Have a Gay Fetish? Join the Club

Last Updated 10.03.2023
13 min read

The first question that comes to mind is what is normal sexuality? In this time of sexual freedom, diversity, acceptance, and fluidity, who's to say that a fetish is not "normal?" Anything is normal, as long as two partners agree it is, right? It's all about what turns you or your SO on, so where's the problem? Short answer? Nothing.

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If you or your partner has a fetish, and it turns either one of you on, then just accept it and enjoy each other even more.

Just What is a Fetish?

In general, it's called paraphilia. And it's the act of becoming sexually aroused by an object, a non-sexual body part, or some other activity not normally associated with sexual activity. Sometimes, fetishes can "bleed" over into masochism, sadism, and voyeurism.

And it's certainly not limited to gay men or the gay community. People of all gender identities have fetishes. The statistics on paraphilia are pretty interesting and based on surveys by various organizations and researchers:

  • Feet: 14% of those surveyed said they have had a sexual fantasy involving feet and/or toes.

  • Masochism: 19% are aroused by being physically or emotionally abused.

  • Sadism: About the same number are aroused by inflicting pain on someone else

  • Group Sex: A whopping 89% of those surveyed stated they have fantasized about doing it with multiples at the same time.

  • Other common fetishes: suits or uniforms, armpits, sports gear, used underwear, voyeurism, balloons (blowing them up and popping), and urine (affectionately known as "golden showers"). Sometimes arousal from these "showers" comes from watching adult videos that have them. 

  • Feet fetishes may include accessories such as shoes, socks, or stockings.

  • Dolls, stuffed animals, or even dressing up as furry animals are also common fetishes.
    For a full rundown of the research and stats, check out this article.

Where Do Gay Fetishes Come From?

The verdict is really still out on this. There is some research, of course, but the conclusions seem to be that they can come from a variety of sources:

  • They might develop at a young age, often based on relationships with each parent.

  • They might develop during adolescence when boys have a sexual experience that is connected to some object, situation, or experience.

  • Some guys may come upon a fetish by accident. They have an amazing sexual activity, and these objects, videos, or even some sort of role-play are associated with arousal from then on.

Does it really matter? No. If you have a foot fetish, if male strippers or adult films turn you on, or rubber, leather, bondage, and other kinky stuff arouse you, so be it. There's nothing wrong with any fetish as long as you are not hurting someone else, and you are getting what you want and need in a gay relationship.

Does all of this put you in the kink community? Perhaps. Does this bother you? It shouldn't. Embrace your fetishes and enjoy the hell out of them. There are plenty of fetishes that are common among gay guys, and they are all right and good.

Common (and Not So Common) Fetishes Among Gay Men

Let's remember what a fetish is. It is something that causes sexual arousal, usually something that is not commonly associated with sexual acts. This definition has expanded a bit and does include some sexual kinks that carry over into BDSM and fantasies about BDSM kinks. And, while fetishes used to be considered abnormal, they have moved far more into the mainstream of pop culture. So, let's take a look at some fetishes common for gay people.

Feet and Feet Accessories

A foot fetish is probably the most common fetish among all gender identities, including straight people. Specifically, you may get hard by just looking at your partner's feet or toes when they are barefoot. Of course, this will ultimately result in licking or sucking on them, and you will find yourself getting hard.

Carrying it even further, toes can be used for some anal foreplay too (think anal).

Foot fetishes also bleed into other accessories too - some people may become aroused just by seeing their partner wearing nothing but socks. Likewise, shoes of many varieties can turn a guy on. He may want his partner to walk around the house or bedroom in high heels or leather boots and even have to do it while they are worn.

Clothing and Uniforms

It's not unusual for a gay man to get turned on seeing his partner in a cute sundress, parading around all cute and swishy.

Likewise, other types of clothing can be arousing for some, specifically uniforms of all sorts. While it's hard to know why certain uniforms are turn-0ns, they are - doctors, nurses, teachers, soldiers, cops, and cheerleaders are quite common. Just viewing a partner in any of these uniforms might give you a hard-on, but then they can turn into actual role-play which is common in adult movies. If you find yourself turned on by watching such role-play in adult films, you probably have a uniform fetish. This also crosses over into voyeurism and BDSM kinks which will be covered later.


Piercings are as old as man, in virtually every culture. If body piercings turn you on, you aren't alone. And if that fetish includes you getting some piercings and getting turned on just looking at them, even better. tongues, nipples, and lips are common. Navels can be arousing anyway, but a piercing can be even more so.

And guys now get piercings on the head of their dicks, on the foreskin, and even on their scrotum. If you have a partner with a piercing fetish, think about getting a few to turn him on.


Do you have fantasies about your gay partner getting it on with someone else? Many guys do. In many instances, these types of fetishes may include picturing your man as a part of the kink community, engaging in such things as fisting, sadism, bondage, leather torture, and more, even with adult film stars.

This fetish can also bleed into voyeurism if you want a fantasy fulfilled by inviting someone else into your bedroom and watching them and your partner engage in those activities you have only fantasized about. You can watch, get aroused, and even jack off while they get it on.


This is covered as a separate fetish because there are lots of varieties and levels. But all varieties involve watching others engage in some kind of sexual act.

Once guys know they are gay and identify as such, the type of adult films they watch changes. Now they watch what relates to their sex life and will be aroused by rather normal gay sex all the way up to and through heavy BDSM.

It's not unusual for guys to attend clubs where they can watch other gay couples do all sorts of things to each other, and it is a major source of arousal. These clubs are usually in or near larger urban areas and have all sorts of potential activities and options. But most have an open area where activities happen in full view of others. Once you are aroused by watching others, you can then step up with your partner and enjoy your sex life together.

Water Sports and Enemas

Urophilia is a fetish that involves pee. Sometimes, it's also called "golden showers," when someone gets off by peeing on a sexual partner or having that partner pee on them. In less common situations, the fetish includes drinking a partner's pee. Again, there is nothing abnormal about these types of fetishes so long as both guys find it enjoyable.

Now, about those enemas. A gay fetish that involves enemas is called klismaphilia. Enemas are a common procedure when guys plan to have penetrative sex. After all, it can be embarrassing if there is an "accident" during the sex act.

But a fetish involving enemas is also somewhat common. Becoming aroused while watching a partner give himself an enema or getting aroused while giving yourself one may be a kink, but a welcome one if both of you get off on it. A variation of this is becoming aroused as you give each other an enema before you have sex. In fact, the sex may well be even better after. The point is this: giving and getting enemas is a real fetish for many, even though it classifies as kink.

Among other, though less common, fetishes involve the use of actual feces. Watching someone crap on another's body is a turn-on for lots of kinky people. And it can be just as arousing to have it done to them or do it to another person.

Used Underwear

Think about a pair of underwear that has the smell of sweat and musk that comes from guys wearing them. Now visualize guys draping that underwear over their faces to enjoy that smell and getting a hard-on in the process. Yes, it's a type of kink; and yes, it's a real fetish. And if this is something you find sexually arousing, then go for it. Have your partner bring you his underwear after he has been to the gym. And save yours for him if he shares that same fetish. Once you have both enjoyed each other's underwear have at it - you'll both be ready.


Fetishes that begin with fantasies and can easily end up being a part of your sexual life is all about forced chastity. This is a favorite theme of adult films, where one man is locked into a male chastity belt and forced to sit and watch his partner and another man do it. He is clearly aroused but can do nothing about it because he cannot get into that belt to at least masturbate.

Of course, this fetish can play out in real life too, if all three agree to the terms. And for some added kink, they can take turns.

Leather and Rubber

Certain materials, whether worn or just felt can bring sexual arousal to some gay people. And there is more to a leather fetish than just getting hard seeing another male dressed in erotic leather outfits. There are also handcuffs, harnesses, and other types of restraints if this kind of kink is good for you.

There is an entire leather community out there, and you will find them in a lot of free chat rooms, many within online dating apps. Here, you will discover others who will speak to their love of leather and the types of kinks that leather can satisfy. And if you are single with a leather fetish, hook up with someone who shares this kind of kink. Who knows? A relationship could easily develop based on your common fetish. Or find a local bar that has leather nights.

Rubber fetishes are a lot like leather. There are all sorts of clothing and accessories for those who just love the feel or dress and for whom rubber gives a sexual high.

And if you want to turn your fetish for leather or rubber into actual sexual encounters, there are lots of toys that will satisfy what your body desires.

Dirty Talk

Here's a fetish that is quite common. Some men simply cannot get it on unless their partners give them some dirty talk, either before they get together or during their sexual encounters. They want to hear what that squeeze is planning to do to them in erotic and highly graphic terms. It's fun to have those images pressed into your mind as you think about what is going to be done to your body.


Crazy as it may seem, there are those who are aroused by hot wax. And It's a short burst of pain but cools quickly. Dripping wax on each other can begin in rather benign places - hands, arms, ankles, legs, etc. and then gradually move to more erotic areas - the crotch, the butt, nipples, and such. For those with this type of kink fetish, getting hot in the bedroom is not just a figurative term.

Corporal Punishment

You'll know you have this kind of fetish if you have watched adult videos or viewed photos in which corporal punishment is used and you are aroused by it. This punishment can take all forms and is certainly part of the sadomasochistic kink community. If you find that you identify with the person being punished, then your fetish is one of masochism - the desire to be physically punished in order to be aroused. If you identify with the punisher in your fantasy, then you need to punish someone in order to reach arousal.

This kind of kink usually involves physical "weapons" - whips, chains, some forms of painful restraint or bondage, or the use of painful toys.


Hair is actually a common fetish - a part of the body that is not usually considered related to sexual arousal or activity. It even has a scientific name - trichophilia. Guys might become aroused by long or very short hair, by the thought of giving or getting a haircut, by the color or texture (straight or curly), or even by watching a commercial in which someone's hair is shampooed. While this is certainly a form of kink, it is pretty harmless and does not usually involve fantasies of bondage or restraint. It can be, however, if a part of your fantasy is being tied up or restrained while you cut hair or have your hair cut.


While this is a common kink within the BDSM community, this "master-slave relationship" is also a common kink of many within the general gay community too. Have you ever experienced arousal when a bed buddy took control and commanded you to do things? Or maybe that squeeze sends you dirty texts during the day telling you what you must be wearing when you get together tonight or what toy to buy before you get together again? Or maybe you are on the other side of that scenario and get off by issuing commands to your SO.

Psychologists say there is often a reason for this type of arousal. Many men who have stressful careers in which they must be in charge most of the time need a sex life that puts them in a submissive role, just for the relief it brings. At the same time, those in submissive roles in their everyday lives crave to be dominant and in charge in this aspect of their personal lives.

Whatever the reason, explore both positions and see if one turns you on. You may have a fetish you didn't even know you had.

Sports Gear

Here is a fetish that is certainly harmless but nevertheless real. There may just be something about a man in a helmet, pads, and thick jockstraps that you find erotic and exciting. Go for it if your SO is willing.

That's a Wrap...Sorta

Is this all there is in the world of fetishes? Hell no. Whatever turns partners on that may not be directly related to sexual acts - objects, activities, dress, etc. - no matter how bizarre - can become an integral part of their bedroom lives and bring some much-needed pizzazz to their love life. If you discover that something turns you on, speak up!

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