Taimi
Everyone has been through it – that bad breakup that leaves them devastated, heartbroken, and convinced that their life will never be the same again. Actually, it is not the end of life as you have known it. But it is a huge temporary change.
Going through it, you may well believe that you will never find love again and that, in fact, you are through looking. Live with that thought for now, but focus on recovery. You will ultimately change your mind and get back into the market.
Grieve as loudly as you need to – scream, cry, get some good anger going on. If you need help getting through the grieving process, there are lots of resources online.
Cut the cord with your ex completely. This means blocking their phone, their access to your social media, and your email. Erase their phone number from your contact list. Delete any photos of the two of you on your social media, and, at least for now, block his family members and close friends too. It’s too tempting to contact them or to watch their posts for any news of your ex.
Don’t agree to remain friends. It’s too soon for this, and the wounds are still too fresh.
Keep a Journal for a while. Write down your feelings and emotions during the recovery process and “get them out.” It can help keep you from ruminating on them and holding them in where they just fester.
Lean into the waves. You will have lots of emotions coming and going – don’t fight them. Feel them, embrace them, and let them envelop you for a little while. If you bottle them up, you will stay miserable.
Music can be healing. Some people find that listening to sad break-up music helps. For others, this is not good, and they do better with stronger, sometimes anger-filled break-up music. Songs like “I Will Survive” would be an example of such a song. Decide which is better for you and develop a playlist that you can use while driving or doing stuff around the house. Sing along loudly.
Plan a new future. If your relationship has been long-term, you probably made future plans as a couple. Now those are gone. It’s time to think about your own future and what you want to do, what vacations you will want to take, and maybe even go back to school. Focusing on just you can add some positivity during a time filled with so much negative emotion.
Begin an exercise routine. If you don’t already have a routine, get one. Join a gym, start running, or take a Yoga class. Physical activity promotes the production of endorphins, those feel-good hormones.
Don’t do anything rash. Making major decisions during this time can be a big mistake. Everyone has heard about a “breakup haircut” that was regretted almost immediately. The same goes for quitting your job or getting a tattoo.
Do things you used to do. The things you kind of gave up when you became part of a couple because your partner wasn’t interested or didn’t like them. This might include something as simple as foods you always liked to something more substantial like fostering animals.
Identify what you have learned about yourself. This is an important self-analysis. Were you too accommodating? Did you give up too much of who you were? Were you too demanding and controlling? How was your communication? What was missing in the relationship? Once you identify what you have learned, you will know what you will want in any new relationship.
Don’t fall into the pit of “what ifs”. It’s in the past now, and your job is to come through the grieving process as a positive and strong person, ready to move on.
Pamper Yourself. Now is the time to do some quality things for yourself. Shop for some new clothes and/or some other things you have been wanting. It can perk up your spirits.
A bad breakup is any breakup that leaves you in pain and suffering. Getting through that pain and coming out the other side a strong and optimistic person will take some work. But people do this successfully, and so can you. These 13 strategies will get you through the heartbreak, anger, and temporary depression and set you right to get back out there and seek a new and better relationship.
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