In the not-too-distant past, national statistics showed divorce rates of opposite sex marriages in the US were teetering at almost a 50% level. But the rate of divorce for heterosexual couples has been on the decline in more recent years. The reason? Heterosexual marriages are on the decline. Couples are choosing to live together rather than marry. The most common reasons for this are pretty understandable:
- Marriage is delayed until both have better financial situations – student loans can be a big factor here along with other debt that is incurred as they begin their careers (car loans, credit cards, etc.)
- Couples want to take time to evaluate their compatibility before making such a big commitment
- Divorce can be messy and expensive should things not work out – there’s all that stuff about property division, child support, and such, not to mention attorney fees.
- Each partner wants the independence to pursue their own goals and interests separate from their partner’s. Marriage can restrict this, at least somewhat.
Looking at these reasons, we could easily say that gay men and women may not get married for much the same reasons.
If that’s true, then do heterosexual couples and gay and lesbian couples share the same reasons for getting divorced. And if so, are the divorce rates similar too?
Why Married Couples Divorce
According to attorneys in the field of family law and psychologists, marriages typically end in divorce for the following reasons, providing domestic violence is not in the picture:
- infidelity
- financial stress
- lack of family support
- lack of intimacy – physical and/or emotional
- poor communication
- disagreements/arguments beyond normal amount of healthy relationships
Often, in divorce court these reasons are rolled up into a general term, irreconcilable differences, and most family law firms that handle divorces state this as the reasons when filing the divorce paperwork.
Both opposite sex couples and same sex couples may experience any of these conditions that can end in divorce.
But same-sex couples do experience additional stressors that opposite sex couples do not. These include:
- more serious lack of family support, including family members who cut off all forms of communication
- discrimination in housing, employment, even though subtle because it’s against the law.
- Societal negative judgment of same sex couples
Some research shows that, like all marginalized groups (the LGBTQ community included), these factors have greater impact on divorce among same sex couples than those of the general public.
What Research Says
There is not a great deal of research on the divorce rates of same sex couples who are married, because those marriages have not been legal and in place for all that long. It has been legalized in a number of states for a longer period than nationally, which came from a Supreme Court decision in 2015. And along with that decision, same sex divorce is also legal in any state. But marriage and subsequent divorce rates are not the subject of longitudinal studies for obvious reasons. Though they have the same rights of divorce under the law, it’s just too soon to draw much in the way of conclusions.
But here are a couple of studies.
National Center for Health Statistics
According to their data, same-sex divorce rates are not increasing, even though the number of married same-sex couples is increasing. The divorce rate of same sex couples is roughly 2% of all same sex marriages.
UCLA School of Law Williams Institute
This study found that same-sex marriages have a slightly lower divorce rate than those of different sex couples. Also, in this study the Institue reported that the LGBTQ community experienced lower levels of family support and other forms of discrimination which appear to impact the stability of same sex relationships and marriages more than the several factors that figure into most divorces
Longitudinal studies are obviously not available on what percentage of gay marriages end in divorce or the reasons why same sex marriages end. Clearly, opposite sex marriages have been around forever, but same sex marriages have only been legally recognized in the last 15-20 years. As data is collected over more years, there will be a clearer picture of why same sex couples and same sex marriages end in divorce.
Closer Look at Male Gay Couples and Female Lesbian Couples
There are plenty of both types of same-sex couples who have entered into same sex marriages and have survived over the long haul without divorce. Consider the following:
- Elton John and his husband have been together for decades, having first met at a dinner party in 1993. They had their first day the next night, and the rest is history. They were married as soon as same sex marriage became legal in the UK and adopted and are raising two sons.
- Ellen DeGeneres and her wife Portia have been together for over 15 years, although the relationship was not a quick one at first. They married as soon as same-sex marriage achieved legal recognition in California in 2008.
- TV personality Rachel Maddow met her partner Susan by chance when Susan arrived to complete some yardwork. The attraction was immediate, and they have been same sex partners for over 20 years, though never wed. Many same sex couples choose this relationship lifestyle, male and female.
- Neil Patrick Harris and his husband have been together since 2004 after a chance meeting literally on the street. They had a long courtship and eventually married in Italy in 2014. They have two sons.
These couples are long-term success stories of same sex relationships and marriages. But overall, is there a difference in divorce rates of male and lesbian divorce rates? The answer is yes.
Gay Male vs. Lesbian Female Divorce Rates
Overall, the lesbian divorce is at a slightly higher rate when compared with that of gay male couples. Why this is so remains a matter of speculation at this point, but there are some clues:
We’ve all heard the stories and jokes about U-Haul lesbian women who meet women and quickly move in with them. These relationships may work out, but more often than not, they don’t. And so, the U-Haul is loaded up again as one of the two women leaves. And it is speculated that when these female same sex couples do marry, it may be before they have really gauged their long-term compatibility.
Males, it seems, tend to take a less impulsive approach compared to the female counterparts, and when they do wed, their divorce rate is slightly lower that their female couples counterparts.
Around the World…
It is beginning to look like divorce rates in other countries are closely mirroring those in the US. running roughly between 1.5 and 2.5 percent. And the rate of lesbian divorce is also higher than that of their male counterparts. The one exception is Norway where the divorce rate among same sex couples was slightly higher than sex-different couples.
It is also difficult to track the rate of divorces of same sex couples, because many places do not keep records of sexual orientation of the divorcing spouses.
In Summation…
Same sex marriage and divorce are legal in about 38 countries around the world. But in those countries, just as in the US, records that track the makeup of spouses are not always tracked. The highest divorce rates of same-sex spouses, though, appears to be in Norway, a country that does record sexes of spouses. Most laws do not require that it be tracked when one partner is the same sex as the other.
Marriage between couples of the same sex has not had the life span that marriage between opposite sex couples has had. And much more accurate tracking needs to be done comparing both types of marriage over the same period of time.
One thing we do know for certain. Rates of divorce are declining because more and more couples are choosing a life of domestic partnerships, if only because it makes a break up easier and simpler than a formal divorce. And the law really doesn’t care which it is.
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