Does dirty talking before and during intimate times make what happens in bed better? Well, according to intimacy experts, the answer is yes. The problem, of course, is getting this to happen – to find tantalizing and intimate things to say and then to have the confidence to actually use them.
Becoming a Pro On Things to Say During The Act (and Before and After)
So, let’s get the ball rolling here. There are several steps you should take to become masterful at pillow talk and to know exactly what things to say during fun times, as well as before and after.
Step 1: Have a Chat with Your Partner
Flirty speech won’t work unless both partners are into it and both partners are in agreement on the things to say that will be turn-ons, as well as turnoffs. If both of you are newbies to talking during the act, it may take some time for you both to get a handle on what to say and how it should be said.
Start by talking to each other about each others’ bodies and what are the things about them that turn you on. If you love certain parts of your girlfriend’s body, say so. If you love your gay partner’s abs, thighs, or chest, declare it. Move on to what each of you might want your partner to say about your respective bodies and what you would like to do during intimate times.
Next, discuss what fantasies you each might have related to being intimate. These can be a prelude to the words that can be used as those fantasies are experimented with in bed.
The point of this? You both need to get used to the idea of pillow talk, even though you are not ready to actually engage in it just yet. Right now it’s just talk, but it is great practice.
Step 2: Use The Technology of Dating Apps
Suppose you are a lesbian who has gotten with a potential lover, maybe on a digital dating app like Taimi. You begin by messaging one another in a “get to know you” type way. Eventually, you can move the conversation to more intimate things and what each of you likes to do and have done to you. This can evolve to talk about fantasies and living out those fantasies when you eventually get together.
Step 3: Pillow Talk Over The Phone Doesn’t Have to be Awkward
Actually, pillow talk can be a great type of foreplay. And for partners who are just learning the art of saying dirty things to each other, this can be an excellent way to begin. After all, many of us are more comfortable with intimate talk when we are not face-to-face and not used to talking this way.
What Using a Phone For Pillow Talk Can Do
Pillow talk via text can build up anticipation and that special kind of tension if a night in bed is coming.
Pillow talk by text can also be used as a bit of a tease about things to come. If you are a gay man wanting your partner to be excited and ready for what is to come tonight, don’t just say what is going to happen. Send some visuals to heighten the anticipation. How about a male boudoir shot from your bed?
You should move into this a bit slowly if you are new to this whole type of speaking. Begin with some fun things to say that will make your partner feel all “warm and fuzzy” about what could happen in bed the next time you are together. Here are a few examples:
- I dreamed about you last night, and it was not G-rated, not even PG.
- I’ve been thinking about what would feel good to me in bed. How about you?
- I bought some new lingerie (or boxers) – here’s a pic.
Thinking about what I might whisper in your ear tonight. You need to think about the same thing.
Moving to the Next Level
Over time, if this is going well and as you have had more romps in bed, maybe some conversation of a more graphic nature will increase the pleasure of your texts. Feel free to sound more intriguing and even a bit more intense when you approach your partner. You might try these:
- Last night was amazing. I can’t wait to see what else you can do.
- Come play in my sandbox again – I have some special toys we can use.
- Just thinking about last night has excited me. I’m going to need you to take care of this asap.
- Just remembering the sound of your moans, when we are in bed, makes me excited all over again.
From here, you may progress to far thirstier things to say, if all is still going well. Time to get naughtier with things to say. By this time, some of what you say may actually be transferred to real dirty talking in the bedroom. But that doesn’t mean the texts have to stop. They can still be used to keep the dirty things to say going on. Here are a few examples to give you some ideas:
- Think of some amazing new positions – heaven on earth. How soon can we make this happen?
- I have some new bedroom things in mind – I can guarantee we will not be quiet tonight.
It’s important to remember that texts should be short and simple. The point is to deliver a message that you want to do something or have something done to you. Keeping the message playful and a bit mysterious is always a good idea.
Step 4: Moving from the text to Face-to-Face
This is the big leap you want to make – getting out those things to say as you look your lover in the face. Consider this a type of foreplay but up one level from texting. Think about what would make you feel good. Describe to your partner exactly what you want them to do and what you want to do to them. Speak in a low, quiet voice.
- Ask your lover what dirty things they want to do to you or have you do to them.
- Discuss your fantasies and decide which ones you’d both like to try.
- Watch some movies together and discuss the dirty things you see that you’d like to try in bed.
Step 5: Moving from the text and In-Person to the Bed
Once texting has moved to a pretty graphic level, you both probably have plenty of confidence with intimate things to say to each other. You might even practice saying them as you end a phone call. Pull out a phrase or two about what you’d like to do or have done once you are together. You are at least voice-to-voice now.
Just as you did with texting, ease into what you say during intimacy. You want to choose things to say that feel natural at the moment, not forced, and that flow from what is actually happening in bed.
If you aren’t comfortable shouting out, “Oh baby, take me like you mean it!” go for a whisper in the ear – “Do your magic,” or “I’m going to blow your mind.” Even a low whisper will increase arousal and bring about a much stronger finish. According to certified therapist, Dr. Stephanie Buehler, PsyD. and founder of the Buehler Institute:
“Because dirty talk can increase arousal, it can also make the finish more intense…For some people, the dirtier the conversation, the better the finish, especially if the dirty talk plays right into their most secret desires.”
For lots more examples and ideas, check out this article.
Step 6: Verbalize What Turns You On
Here, you’re going to focus on yourself and what you want. This may change over time – our needs and desires evolve. And it’s important to recognize what new things may turn you on and to verbalize these to your partner via dirty talk. Once you are both comfortable with conversations about intimacy, you can get very graphic, even about any fantasy you now have.
Here’s the point: you really can’t say the wrong thing in this situation. You are verbalizing what you want. Your partner can verbalize back whether this kind of sex is something they want or not. It’s all good.
Finding Inspiration
Most people want to enjoy intimacy and that’s how it’s supposed to be. Once they understand how talking dirty can really make an act so much better, they will want to learn exactly how to do it and do it well. This guide should serve as a primer of sorts and should provide the inspiration to become a “talk dirty” master.
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