Does dirty talking before and during sex make what happens in bed better? Well, according to sex experts, the answer is yes. The problem, of course, is getting this to happen – to find indecent, dirty, and sexy things to say and then to have the confidence to actually use them.
Becoming a Pro On Things to Say During Sex (and Before and After)
So, let’s get the ball rolling here. There are several steps you should take to become masterful at talking dirty and sexy and to know exactly what things to say during sex, as well as before and after.
Step 1: Have a Chat with Your Partner
Dirty speech won’t work unless both partners are into it and both partners are in agreement on the things to say that will be turn-ons, as well as turnoffs. If both of you are newbies to talking during sex, it may take some time for you both to get a handle on what to say and how it should be said.
Start by talking to each other about each others’ bodies and what are the sexiest things about them that turn you on. If you love your lesbian girlfriend’s breasts or butt, say so. If you love your gay partner’s abs, thighs, or erection size, declare it. Move on to what each of you might want your partner to say about your respective bodies and what you would like to do during sex.
Next, discuss what fantasies you each might have related to sex. These can be a prelude to the words that can be used as those fantasies are experimented with in bed.
The point of this? You both need to get used to the idea of sexy talking, even though you are not ready to actually engage in it just yet. Right now it’s just talk, but it is great practice.
Step 2: Use The Technology of Dating Apps
Suppose you are a lesbian who has hooked up with a potential squeeze, maybe on a digital dating app like Taimi. You begin by messaging one another in a “get to know you” type way. Eventually, you can move the conversation to sex and what each of you likes to do and have done to you. This can evolve to talk about fantasies and living out those fantasies when you eventually get together.
Step 3: Sexting Can Be a Less Awkward Beginning
Actually, sexting can be a great type of foreplay. And for partners who are just learning the art of saying dirty sexy things to each other, this can be an excellent way to begin. After all, many of us are more comfortable talking dirty or sexy when we are not face-to-face and not not used to talking this way.
What Sexting Can Do
Sexting can build up anticipation and sexual tension if a night in bed is coming.
Sexting can also be used as a bit of a tease about things to come. If you are a gay man wanting your partner to be excited and ready for what is to come tonight, don’t just say what is going to happen. Send some visuals to heighten the anticipation. How about a hard-on under your underwear; how about a sexy pose from your bed?
You should move into sexting a bit slowly if you are new to this whole type of speaking. Begin with some sexy things to say that will make your partner feel all “warm and fuzzy” about what could happen in bed the next time you are together. Here are a few examples:
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I dreamed about you last night, and it was not G-rated, not even PG.
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I’ve been thinking about what would feel good to me in bed. How about you?
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I bought some new lingerie (or boxers) – here’s a pic.
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Thinking about what I might whisper in your ear tonight. You need to think about the same thing.
Moving to the Next Level
Over time, if this is going well and as you have had more romps in bed, maybe some naughtier conversation of a more graphic nature will increase the pleasure of your sexts. Feel free to sound sexier and even a bit dirtier when you approach your sex mate. You might try these:
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Last night was amazing. I can’t wait to see what else you can do.
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Come play in my sandbox again – I have some special toys we can use.
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Just thinking about last night has made me wet (or given me a hard-on). I’m going to need you to take care of this asap.
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Just remembering the sound of your moans, when we are in bed, makes me horny all over again.
From here, you may progress to far sexier things to say, if all is still going well. Time to get naughtier with things to say. By this time, some of what you say may actually be transferred to real dirty talking in the bedroom. But that doesn’t mean the sexts have to stop. They can still be used to keep the dirty things to say going on. Here are a few examples to give you some ideas:
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Think of some amazing new positions – heaven on earth. How soon can we make this happen?
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I have some new dirty things in mind – I can guarantee we will not be quiet tonight.
It’s important to remember that sexts should be short and simple. The point is to deliver a message that you want to do something or have something done to you. Keeping the message playful and a bit mysterious is always a good idea.
Step 4: Moving from the Sext to Face-to-Face
This is the big leap you want to make – getting out those things to say as you look your lover in the face. Consider this a type of foreplay but up one level from sexting. Think about what would make you feel good. Describe to your partner exactly what you want them to do and what you want to do to them. Speak in a low, quiet, and sexy voice.
Ask your lover what dirty things they want to do to you or have you do to them.
Discuss your fantasies and decide which ones you’d both like to try.
Watch some adult movies together and discuss the dirty things you see that you’d like to try in bed.
Step 5: Moving from the Sext and In-Person to the Bed
Once sexting has moved to a pretty graphic level, you both probably have plenty of confidence with sexy things to say to each other. You might even practice saying them as you end a phone call. Pull out a phrase or two about what you’d like to do or have done once you are together. You are at least voice-to-voice now.
Just as you did with texting, ease into what you say during sex. You want to choose things to say that feel natural at the moment, not forced, and that flow from what is actually happening in bed.
If you aren’t comfortable shouting out, “Oh baby, take me like you mean it!” go for a whisper in the ear – “Do your magic,” or “I’m going to lick that pussy ’til I taste your cum.” Even a low whisper will increase arousal and bring about a much stronger orgasm. According to certified sex therapist, Dr. Stephanie Buehler, PsyD. and founder of the Buehler Institute:
“Because dirty talk can increase arousal, it can also make an orgasm more intense…For some people, the dirtier the conversation, the better the orgasm, especially if the dirty talk plays right into their most secret sexual desire.”
For lots more examples and ideas, check out this article.
Step 6: Verbalize What Turns You On
Here, you’re going to focus on yourself and what you want. This may change over time – our sex needs and desires evolve. And it’s important to recognize what new things may turn you on and to verbalize these to your partner via dirty talk. Once you are both comfortable with conversations about sex, you can get very graphic, even about any fantasy you now have.
“I’m ready for you to tie me up and have your way with my body”
“I’m ready to back up and sit down on you so we can both get it done.”
“I’ll be a bad girl and hold your head to my V-jay-jay until you lick all my cum out.”
“I don’t want you to whisper in my ear. I want you to yell and scream”
Here’s the point: you really can’t say the wrong thing in this situation. You are verbalizing what you want. Your partner can verbalize back whether this kind of sex is something they want or not. It’s all good.
Take a Look at Some Examples
To Grab Attention Early On (Foreplay)
“I’ve been waiting all day for time with you – And I have some hot games to play.”
” I’m wet, and I haven’t been swimming.”
“I shopped for our date – Guess what hot items I bought?”
“How about we recreate your favorite scene from that movie 365 Days? (insert any movie you both like)
“Hope you are waiting for what my mouth is trained to do.”
“Get your body ready for new types of fun – I have new ideas (and some new toys).”
During Sex
You need to tell your partner what feels good, and what you want them to do to you. And you must ask them the same questions. Even simple little phrases will make the sex better:
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Oh, yes, keep going!
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Get that butt up in the air – I’m ready to take you full force
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Wow – chew on my nipples some more
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I’m going to start at your toes and lick you all over til you are screaming
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Let me spank your butt while I ride you, and then you do me
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Tell me how this feels and how it will be better
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Hold me down and do whatever you want
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I’ll give you exactly two hours to stop that
Notice that much of what you say is positive reinforcement to let your partner know what they are doing well and what you want more of.
Then the Afterglow
Once the sex is over, you can still talk dirty. In fact, it’s kinda hot to do so. You want to say what was amazing for you, and you want to hear what you did that turned them on the most so you can do more of it.
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That orgasm was one of the best I’ve ever had. What a moment!
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Let’s rest a bit and go again
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Play with my tits till I fall asleep
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Tell me what the best was for you
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Let’s each make up a fantasy for next time
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Sex with you is only going to get better – how soon can we do this again?
Finding Inspiration
Most people want to enjoy sex and that’s how it’s supposed to be. Once they understand how talking dirty can really make sex so much better, they will want to learn exactly how to do it and do it well. This guide should serve as a primer of sorts and should provide the inspiration to become a “talk dirty” master.
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