Finding Your Kinky-BDSM Queer Mate During Pride

What better place than pride to celebrate your sexual freedom! All you have to do is meet someone who is into BDSM or other kinks!  Check out these tips to help you make that happen.

Go Where They Are

The kink and BDSM communities are notoriously welcoming. Don’t be shy about striking up a conversation. Get to know a few people, and ask questions. Just be sure to respect boundaries. Don’t be rude or intrusive. Respect, manners, and consent are really important to people who identify as members of these groups. Relax, it won’t be long before you will feel comfortable inquiring about parties, or letting people know what you are looking for.

Dress The Part And Look Sexay!

Make sure to dress the part! Slay that look and deck yourself out as the hottest person there. Now of course we aren’t suggesting that you go out wearing your complete dominatrix outfit or that snug-fitting leather suit and blindfold. However, there are pieces of clothing that are common in the world of BDSM that are also common as everyday wear that can signal to others that you are a part of their community. 

You can choose to wear a variety of clothing pieces, some of which include collars, leather vests, bikinis, and boots. Don’t be afraid to mix and match items to find what works best for you. Once you are able to find others dressed similarly it can be quite easy for you to notice who else is in the community. Take a look around and see exactly who is interacting with whom. Ultimately, there are going to be non-community members that are also conversing with community members. After all, curiosity is completely natural for anybody, and as long as everyone remains respectful, questions are perfectly normal. 

Are you Dominant or Submissive?

While this question may seem almost strange to some, for most people in the LGBTQ community it is actually a very defining characteristic. It ultimately shows how open and comfortable you are with your sexuality and how you perceive others around you. Start by really observing everyone around you. You’ll find that couples can come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. You might see a very tall person with a very short person and for all you know the shorter person could potentially be the dom in that relationship. Take a close look at what they are wearing. Items like gloves tend to be worn by dominating persons in the relationship, while items such as collars tend to be worn by submissives. 

Of course, the year is now 2022 and many people are doing away with those old stereotypes. Sometimes the best solution really is to find your people, set up an established communication and above all, just ask about it. But remember to remain respectful. After all, consent and respect are two of the most important factors in the world of BDSM. 

Test Those Flirting Techniques

So you’ve found the perfect outfit, you’ve found the people in your community, and you’ve started talking to others in your community. Now it’s time to take a step forward and start perfecting your flirting techniques.

1. The Look
   
   The key to good flirting is to have the mastery of good eye contact without it being creepy or unsettling. Take the time needed to practice this look again and again until you have it down to where it's almost natural. After all, there’s a key set of differences between a flirtatious glance and a murderous glare hidden behind a forced smile.
    
2. Give Compliments
   
   Don't be afraid to compliment the person that you like! Some say flattery gets you nowhere, but the way we see this, it tends to be a great first step towards a more meaningful connection. Their clothing, hair, physic, anything you can think of that can be complimented should be complimented.
   
   
3. Give Them Something
   
   Whether it be a pin, a cuff made of out kandi beads, or even something along the lines of a piece of jewelry. Gifts speak to people and become somewhat memorable for many. That gift essentially gives them a connection to you and makes the two of you feel closer to one another.
   
   
4. Offer To Buy Them A Drink
   
   Now admittedly for some, this is where the flirting seems to fall through. After all, a lot of people are very cautious during events like pride, and it’s possible that they may refuse such an offer. If they refuse, don’t be offended, after all, you probably think similarly.
   
   However, if they do accept then you will be given the opportunity to talk about more risqué topics like the types of sex that you enjoy.
   
   
5. Remember to Read up on their cues
   
   Remember that consent and respect is very important in the world of BDSM, and many people in the community are not afraid to show or say that they are uncomfortable. If they seem to pull away from every attempt at a simple touch such as an arm over the shoulders, then it’s best to simply step back. However, if they seem to be leaning into your touches, and even touching you back then it’s time to move forward.

Getting It ON

You’ve gone through all the correct steps. You’ve worn the right clothing, found your community, someone that you really connected with, and even flirted your way to something that might become more. Now you’re at the most climactic point of this exchange, and things are about to get intense. Now you have to decide on something, where do you go?

Communicate with the other, while the BDSM kink community is welcome at pride, having sex at the event most definitely is not welcome. Talk to the other and discuss plans. Perhaps there is a sex party that is happening that one of you knows about. Or perhaps there is a possible venue in which your sexual fantasies are deemed to be acceptable.

If you or the other person have their own home and don’t have to worry about potential roommates or interruptions, then that might be the best course of action to take. Having sex is one of the last and most important steps to determining compatibility, however, if you find that the two of you are compatible then it’s possible that you’ve found your mate for the entire duration of the event and potentially even longer than that.

Don’t Make This Too Complicated!

Ultimately, you are just finding another person with similar interests, in hopes of getting laid. What you will find is that there just aren’t many differences between the kink/BDSM community and vanilla folk. People just want to feel safe and respected while they do whatever it is they are into. So, get out there, have some great conversations, meet new people, and join in when you are ready.

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