What do lesbians bring on a second date? A U-Haul! That’s an old joke, but is it true? What about other enduring jokes and lore about sapphic culture?
Popular narratives about any culture are often used as a basis for memes and other humor. As long as punching down isn’t the result, these enduring jokes are mildly funny. However, they can oversimplify lived experiences. In this article, we’ll explore what the data says about U-Haul lesbians and dig into other sapphic lore.
The U-Haul Lesbian Stereotype
This is one cultural stereotype that’s grown legs! So much so that Taimi’s research team decided to do some exploration to see just how accurate it is. Check out the survey results here.
Our researchers heard back from 1274 women who are between the ages of 18 and 45 and identify as lesbian. Here’s what they learned.
Are Lesbians Entering Serious Relationships Quickly on Dating Apps?
Respondents indicated they got serious between one and three months into the relationship. This is slightly faster than common timelines in straight relationships. Additionally, the second most popular answer was “I don’t typically pursue serious relationships on dating apps”.
77% have never moved in with someone they met on a dating app. This may explain why more than half stated they weren’t familiar with the notion of U-Haul lesbians at all. The ones who had heard it thought there was some truth, but that it was largely exaggerated.
What’s The Origin of The U-Haul Lesbian
The U-Haul joke was first written by openly lesbian comedian Lee Delaria in 1988. However, the joke and ongoing stereotype only exist because of some basis in reality. No, not all lesbians cohabitate early on. Most don’t, but when you look back in time when WLW relationships were not accepted, it’s easy to see why committed relationships were so highly valued. When two women love one another and could form a family unit, they wanted to hold onto that tightly.
There’s also the matter of small dating pools. A straight woman in a small town might have dozens of options. A lesbian in that same town would have maybe a fraction of that. And, if they found love with someone who lived far away, U-Hauling it was a way to maintain that connection.
It’s important to balance affectionate humor with an understanding of the joke’s origins while also being aware of how even benign stereotypes can flatten diversity.
What The Data Reveals About Moving in And Moving Fast
Lesbians move in slightly faster than folks in other categories, but the data doesn’t reveal anything extreme. Additionally, using dating apps doesn’t appear to make WLW any more likely to take this path.
Is There Pressure Within the Community to U-Haul?
Most respondents did not experience any pressure at all from within the queer community. Most likely, lesbians who are moving in together are doing so because they want to. Some may be getting pressure from friends and family who are not part of the LGBTQIA+ community.
Why Have So Many Lesbians Not Heard of The U-Haul Stereotype?
Just over 54% of lesbians surveyed said they had not heard the joke or reference to U-Haul lesbians. So, what gives? The U-Haul reference is often found on social media and other online spaces that may be more frequented by younger lesbians. Although the joke was first coined in the 80s, it didn’t really gain widespread popularity until the 2010s.
Also, while we assume respondents answer survey questions honestly, there’s always some potential for prevarication. Some lesbians may see the stereotype as harmful or annoying. By dismissing it or denying it, they may be trying to put the brakes on it spreading further.
Why do Some Narratives Like This Persist?
It’s clear the U-Haul lesbian narrative isn’t universally true, but the lore persists. What’s up with that? The primary reason may be simply that it’s funny. Humor is an important element of community building, and marginalized communities are particularly adept at using humor to cope and connect. The U-Haul myth is also an example of simplifying complex social interactions into a cultural meme.
Lore like this also gains traction because it’s relatable. It may not be as common as some think, but it happens often enough that many of us know at least one U-Haul couple.
Beyond The U-Haul: Exploring Other Lesbian Lore
What about some of the other myths and lore that seem to be prevalent in and about the lesbian community?
Lesbians Always Remain Friends With Their Exes
In her viral song, “Lesbian Anthem” comedian Kristen Key sings. “I stayed friends with my ex. Because, we shared a pet.” This among other culture references in the song really resonated with folks. As it turns out, there’s some truth to this. Lesbians are more likely to remain friends with their exes. Possible reasons for this are:
- Desires to maintain ties for social and community support
- Genuine emotional attachment that continues after the romantic relationship ends
- Maintaining good relationships to avoid disrupting limited social circles.
Lesbians Maintain Tight Dating Communities
“My ex girlfriend set me up with my current girlfriend.” You may have experienced this or witnessed something like it in sapphic circles. It’s a fairly common trope in media as well. This lesbian stereotype is essentially an extension of the notion that WLW always remain friends with their exes. It isn’t universally true, but it happens frequently. It’s also the result of intertwined social circles.
Long Dates And Long Conversations
There is a culture of processing in lesbian dating. This is evidenced in another bit of lore about sapphic women. That’s the notion of lesbians engaging in hours-long dates and emotionally intensive conversations right out of the gate.
There’s a grain of truth here that reflects differences in communication norms between queer folks and straight folks. It also highlights the differencs in communication norms between men and women.
The Role of Social Media
Now more than ever, people are highly aware of symbols, memes, and lore around the lesbian community. Some of this knowledge is spot on, and some is not so accurate. Still, it’s clear that things that were once “insider knowledge” have hit the mainstream. Today, a fairly large portion of the straight population understands and uses queer culture references like finger guns, carabiners, and the role of the Subaru in the lesbian community.
Have Fun – Be Careful
Enjoy your tongue-in-cheek jokes about U-Haul lesbians, but balance that with a bit of awareness. While lore like this is largely harmless and has a shred of truth to it, it can also be used to stereotype WLW. Lesbians are a diverse community with a range of dating experiences and goals. Sometimes, the barrier between humor and negative stereotyping is thinner than folks realize.
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