We all know about foreplay. It’s all of what you and your partner do before the actual sexual act. It’s what prepares both partners and gets them aroused and ready. Usually, it includes kissing, fondling, love or dirty talk, and maybe some oral.
But most of us don’t think of sexting as foreplay. This is because it is usually done at a distance and sometimes hours or even days before any sex happens. And sometimes that sex isn’t even face-to-face. Over the past few years, in fact, lots of sex activity has happened online, and sexting can become a lot of the foreplay in those situations too, as a prelude to apart couples using video tools to at least masturbate together.
In general, we can say that sexy texts are digital foreplay. But within this general definition, dirty text messages can serve several purposes:
It can keep you in your SO’s mind throughout the times when you are apart, even if that is just during your workdays. A few random sexts during the day will do the trick. For longer periods apart, plan on about three a day, one in the morning, one during the day, and one as you go to bed at night.
It can help to build sexual tension, especially when one explosive night might be on the horizon, whether that is hours or days away and whether that is in person or online and long distance via video.
It can be used to tease a partner. Sexts with more than one meaning or photos of yourself looking all sexy and ready will serve to both tease and arouse. Get a bit creative here, check out examples of these kinds of texts online, and use what fits your circumstances.
Dirty texts can be used to play games. These are mostly played online when they are one-on-one, but they can serve to let potential partners get to know one another better, to have a few laughs, to tell each other what they like best in the way of sex, and to let potential partners on dating apps decide if the relationship is worth pursuing.
If you are new to dirty sex chat or your sexting doesn’t seem to be getting the results you want, take a look at some of these general tips before getting into or back into digital foreplay.
You need to have privacy protection on your phone - face recognition, a passcode, fingerprint, or all three. Even if you are not trying to hide your sexting relationship, do you really want just anyone reading those messages?
If you are talking dirty to more than one person, especially on an online dating app, make sure you check out the security protocols on that app before you begin any kind of texting. And as you register and set up your profile, use only your first name – most apps insist you do that anyway.
Don’t save dirty text messages – read, reply if you want, and then delete them.
Now this applies to anyone you aren’t in a relationship with. Obviously, you can send all kinds of dirty texts to your SO or spouse.
Before you talk dirty to someone you are seeing or chatting with, make sure you get their consent first. And begin with mild dirty talk until you see how they are received. You can always get “dirtier” as time goes on, but you can never take back a really explicit dirty message you sent early on and regretted later.
And look carefully at how that consent is worded. If the person simply says, “OK,” it’s not good enough. There needs to be some enthusiasm in the reply, or you better back off. In short, you both should be on the same page about types of content that are okay.
This is a natural extension of the above tip. You may be having all sorts of sexy and erotic thoughts about this new squeeze, but don’t ever assume that this gives you a license to come on really strong, especially with dirty text messages. Let the relationship build for a while, whether you are dating in person or online.
This should be obvious, but you’d be surprised at how many people make this mistake. Think ahead. You may be deep into a relationship that you think will last forever, but life has a way of upending things. When your face is plastered all over the dirty text messages you have sent, you never know where they may end up. Do you really want the whole world to see your private parts, even your Aunt Sally?
Blowing up someone’s phone with dirty text messages is not where you want to be. You are coming on too strong, and that will not end well. First of all, so many messages can become an irritation. If you are not receiving responses to those multiple sexts, there’s a reason. The receiver may even feel that he is being “stalked” in some way. Back off. Send just a few text messages over a couple of days. If you don’t receive responses, just stop.
Really? If you do this, you are really pretty much a “dirt bag.” And if you think that you will not eventually be caught, think again. You can’t hide this behavior forever. You have a choice to make. If your partner is truly important to you, then just stop what you are doing. If you don’t, then this is a clear indication that your “cheating” behaviors are more important than your relationship. Be honest and upfront with your partner, so that they have the option to end it.
You may have boundaries for the content of sexy text messages. Good for you. Set those boundaries and stick to them. If someone sexts you that goes beyond your boundaries, clearly respond with those boundaries and shut that sexting down. If they are still interested and want to respect your boundaries, they will contact you again, complete with apologies and promises to show you the respect you demand. The choice to respond is up to you.
Dirty texts are not meant to be long descriptions and explanations. The shorter the better, in fact. The goal is to keep you in the thoughts of your receiver, not to deliver an essay on what you want to do or to be done to you. Review each sext you create and edit it if necessary.
There are a couple of problems here. First, you run the risk of texting the wrong person – a big fail and embarrassment once you sober up and realize what you’ve done. The other issue is that you may easily get carried away and send something really offensive to a squeeze you’ve been trying to move into a more serious relationship – again a big fail.
So, how do all of these general tips translate into talking dirty as a pro? Time to look at some specific texts that will do just that!
People come in all varieties, gender identities, and at all levels of relationships. And these things will determine the types of specific sexts that they will want to use. As you go through these examples, think about your own situation and what you should text.
If you have just met someone, either in person or online, you will probably want to “feel” them out before you get all sexy and stuff. For example, suppose you are a lesbian who has joined an online dating app, has met a match that interests you, and the chatting has begun. Of course, the first chats will be “get to know you more” messages, but eventually, you become a bit flirtier. So, you might begin with any one of these:
“You are making me think naughty thoughts”
“I just bought a new toy. Want to see it?”
“I had a pretty naughty dream about you last night.”
“I’m imagining us in a jacuzzi together right now”
"Your kisses turn me on every time"
As far as photos are concerned during this phase, be flirty but not racy yet. You could send a picture of yourself in that new baby doll dress. Or send a photo in a sexy outfit, or in bed with the covers just covering the nipples of your boobs. Wait for the response. That will tell you if she is ready for more. If you want more tips on lesbian sexting, check out this Taimi blog post.
If you have received positive replies to those early sexts and photos, you are ready to move into the next level of sexting. This is where things can get more explicit. You're no longer going to be sending messages of you in a short skirt or tight jeans or a few scenes from your bedroom. Now you're ready to talk dirty at a new level, and you don't have to worry that your squeeze will get the wrong idea anymore.
Here are some good examples of dirty texts that will increase sexual tension even more.
What's a new position you wanna to try?
How about you buy a few new toys and video me while using them?
Want to watch a dirty movie tonight and do what they do?
What's your dirtiest fantasy?
What's the dirtiest thing you want to do to me?
What's the dirtiest thing you want me to do to you?
What's your favorite sex memory? And give me as much detail as you can
Do you like doggy style?
You can also ask and answer questions in a suggestive way. For example, "What are you wearing tonight? I'm suggesting lingerie or nothing at all."
Tonight, you can do whatever you want with me
I'm going commando tonight - be ready
I'm going to lick every body part you have, and I'll end up in the best spot
I wanna do every naughty thing to you that is in the book Fifty Shades of Gray.
I'm going to slowly kiss you all over until we are both screaming. If we make too much noise, we can take turns with a ball gag.
Guess what I'm going to do to please you! It involves your most sensitive part.
I'm going to blow your mind and something else too.
I think it's time to install a mirror on my ceiling.
I want to see your lap dance skills.
Tonight, you're going to do all the work.
If you have had a partner for a while, sex can get a bit perfunctory. Of course, you still enjoy it, but real life has a way of getting in the way of the hot sex fun when it was new. Before you go out and get some relationship advice from a professional, why don't you try a few ways to spice things up yourself? Sending unexpected dirty texts is one way to do just that. Here are some ways you can talk dirty to your partner:
I've got a hotel room tonight. And I have a new sex toy in a fancy box for you to open and use on me.
I've spent the last hour thinking about getting naked with you and all of the hot sexy things we will do during our bedroom date tonight.
We're going to explore each other's erogenous zones tonight. The only question to be answered? How long can we each last with this "torture?"
Hot, wet, and wild. That's how you'll find me tonight.
I only prefer quickies during my lunch hour. All-nighters of sex with you that include my amenities tray of toys will be what happens Friday night - be hot and ready.
Want a night of fun sex? Let's start by cooking dinner naked, watching some adult films, and doing as they do.
Our sex life needs a hot shot. And I've got a new toy. You can spend the rest of the day trying to guess what it might be. Hint - we'll need lots of lube.
I can't stop thinking of you naked, on the bed, totally restrained, so I can have my way with you.
Just your kisses are enough to get me through the day. Well, that and what['s gonna happen when I get off work!
Damn! I can't wait to come through your bedroom door tonight.
So, lots of the dirty talk messages listed above could be used by members of the LGBTQ+ community. But, there are also plenty of naughty messages that can be specific to gender identities that will make dirty same-sex chat more meaningful.
Your choice tonight. A strap-on or oral? I'm up for either or both!
Get that V-jay jay ready. I'm talking about one night you'll never forget.
Have plenty of lube on hand. I'm going to do your butt proud.
So, I am thinking about easing myself down on you while you sit in a chair. To hell with the eye contact tonight.
I have a new dress but no underwear to go with it. Guess I'll just skip that part of the outfit. Wanna undress me tonight?
I wanna tell you about my raunchiest night of sex. If you can beat that, tell me what you would do to me.
You get the point. Whatever your gender identity, think about the great sex you have had in the past. And use those experiences as topics for sexting with your latest squeeze(s). Then, enjoy the pleasure and closeness it brings.
Digital foreplay through dirty texts is absolutely a thing now. People are separated; people who are in close proximity want to spike up their sex life; people who want to start up a relationship use texts as a way to get things going. Whatever your situation and whatever your reason for talking dirty via texts, you will find really helpful information here. Take what relates to your situation, use it, and become a superstar with dirty sex chat.
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