If you have formed an attachment to an aromantic and have started to date one, you have a bit to learn. And one of the things you will need to do very early on is to understand that there are many myths surrounding this gender identity – things that are just not true. The more you understand your aromantic date, the better chance there is for a good dating relationship.
If you know anything about prefixes and roots, you know that an “A” before a word means against, anti, or not. So, it’s pretty easy to understand that an aromantic does not have romantic feelings and attachments.
But let’s qualify that. An aromantic does have platonic love for friends, family, and even for those they are dating. And they certainly enjoy and have sexual relationships.
But there are lots of myths about aromantics that need to be dispelled, especially if you are dating one. So, let’s take a look at those.
There are six most common myths about aromantics that you should understand and remove from your thinking.
OMG – this is so not true. Aromantics typically love their families – parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, etc. and can certainly feel that same kind of love towards children they may have. And many do marry or have monogamous relationships that involve having children. It’s only romantic feelings for that spouse or partner that may be lacking. But they can love that partner in a strong way and absolutely enjoy the sex.
Again, press the “false” button. Aromantics value long-term relationships and/or life partners, although it must also be on their terms, not necessarily yours. They will not exhibit lots of romantic gestures, and life in the bedroom will focus far more on sex than romance. Don’t expect the normal romantic “after-glow” that is so common among other couples.
Oh, so not true. Aromantics are just that – not so romantic. But sex? Being unromantic really has nothing to do with sex. Most aromantics have an active sex life and enjoy it just as much as others. And it really doesn’t matter what their other identity is – lesbian, gay, bi, trans, or anywhere else on the LGBTQ+ spectrum.
Again, just a myth. There is a lot of physical “affection” that goes on during sex, especially during foreplay. It is how couples turn each other on, have sex, and experience orgasms. But the physical affections that go on during sex are just not accompanied by romantic emotions for the aromantic.
Aromantics are committed to many people – their friends, their family members, and, yes, even their sexual partners. They marry, have children whom they love dearly, and remain in marriages and partnerships over the long haul, as long as both partners are content and comfortable.
Oh, but they do. They have all of the normal human emotions that we all do – joy, sadness, anger, happiness, passion, jealousy, and, yes, even love. They express their emotions in the same ways all humans do too. They simply don’t have the level of romantic feelings that others do.
Developing a relationship with an aromantic will take time and will certainly have some ups and downs if you have strong romantic feelings for them. But every relationship, in fact, is unique, so the experiences you have had in the past and those of others who may attempt to advise you are not necessarily reliable. And never think that your aromantic will not put forth the effort to satisfy your romantic desires. If they want the relationship too, they will want to make you happy.
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