We all want to believe that our partners are faithful, loyal, and completely open with us about everything going on in their lives. Sadly, this is not always the case. Some people keep small secrets (like buying a new piece of clothing and hiding it in the closet), but some people keep big secrets, like gambling, alcohol/drug addiction, or, in the majority of instances, cheating. Here are some signs your squeeze may be cheating or hiding something else. The more you check off on this list, the greater the chances that it’s happening
And this is a change in behavior from the norm. They pitch in more than normal on tasks you usually do yourselves; they bring home small gifts; they call more often from work or when they are out. Their hope is that this will throw you off the track and cover theirs. You can’t confront them with this behavior, of course. But it is a clue that you may need to check up on them more often.
They have facial recognition or code-locking to get into the phone; they turn it on silent when with you; they take it everywhere with them. Another clue? They are on their phone and click out as soon as you come near.
Point blank ask them why they are doing this. If they get defensive, then chances are they are hiding something, usually a side squeeze who might be calling or texting.
They become agitated and/or angry when you ask them where they have been, who they have been with, and details of the activities. This is usually because they fear you are onto them. They accuse you of not trusting them – again deflecting to you, rather than openly sharing those details. Do not let them turn this onto you. It is their behavior that is in question, not yours.
This is nothing more than them projecting their guilt onto you – another deflection maneuver. Don’t fall into this trap by being put on the defensive and denying what they are accusing you of. People often accuse others of doing what they are doing themselves. Put the conversation right back where it belongs – on their behaviors.
Instead of going to the gym in the mornings before work, they start going after work or in the evening. They begin to have “nights out” with their buddies/girlfriends more often than usual. They stay out late or all night with excuses such as being over at a friend’s house and falling asleep. And they don’t call and keep you posted. If you call, they don’t answer and then say their phone was dead. This is a huge red flag that your partner is cheating on you. Don’t let this slide. Lay down some rules that must be followed. If they are not, it’s time to end the relationship.
This relates to the clue above. But it goes beyond that too. When the two of you do things together, they seem distant, not really “into” what you are doing together. And they are on their phones a lot while you are out together. This means they have things going on that are far more important to them than you are. You don’t have to be the “second choice” of anyone. It’s probably time to have a frank discussion and decide if you can even go forward together.
If you are really suspicious, you have driven over to where they say they are going, and their car is not there. Some partners have gone so far as to put GPS devices on their significant other’s cars. If you feel the need, go for it. You want the truth, and you have a right to it. Once their lies are exposed, you must confront them. Don’t let them lie their way out. You deserve the truth. If you aren’t satisfied, muster up the courage to break it off. You deserve better.
They don’t look you in the eyes as they used to. They physically keep more distance. Affectionate physical gestures are missing – a hug, a rub on your back, an arm around your shoulder, holding hands while walking, etc. This is a pretty sure sign that their thoughts are elsewhere and that they would rather be somewhere else – with a side squeeze, at the casino, etc. You can’t make someone else put you first in their life. If you are not first, then tell them what you are feeling. If they don’t want to discuss it, then you need to think about moving on.
Psychologists tell us that anger is often a response to guilt just manifested in another way. If they are quick to anger over seemingly minor things, this is a sign that they are feeling some guilt about what they are doing. Because you don’t know what they are “guilty” of, you cannot confront them specifically, so this is a tough one. Just be mindful that they are up to something, and keep your eyes open and your “ear to the ground.”
You will usually have a gut feeling when something is not right with your partner. And usually, these gut feelings prove to be right. They may be related to the signs listed above. Review them carefully and see if they describe your current situation. If at least half of these are relatable, you have a problem. Confronting your partner in an aggressive manner will probably get you nowhere. But if you are calm and assertive, they will understand that you mean business. If you are committed to this relationship, you can also state that you know they are hiding something but that if they will be honest, you are willing to try to work through the situation. Their response will help you decide whether or not you want to stay in the relationship. It’s important that you put yourself first.
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