Can you be in Love with Two People?

Last Updated 11.11.2022
10 min read

Love is usually something very beautiful that makes you feel happy and like everything in the world will be okay. What happens though when you start developing feelings for more than one person? You probably have reached a point where you are wondering "Can you be in love with two people?". 

If this is a situation you're currently facing, you are probably confused about how you or someone else can have feelings for more than one person. This is a reality for many people who are polyamorous though and a monogamous relationship is not for everyone.

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Falling in love with two people

Sometimes, it just happens that you meet two people at the same time who you just click with. Even if you don't consider yourself polyamorous, you might still develop feelings for more than one person. This happens more frequently than you might imagine and there are many reasons why.

When you meet two people who are equally as compatible with you, you might start to question your feelings towards them. It might just happen that you met two individuals who are so unique, smart, and fun to be around at the same time.

You might also come across a situation where you are already in a relationship and you end up meeting someone new. This new person might catch your eye and make you feel butterflies in your stomach. 

When this happens, it can be so confusing for you. You might think you are just excited about one person and in love with the other and you might doubt that you might actually be in love with both people. This can become a problem for your current relationship and make you feel like you are betraying your partner.

Are you polyamorous if you have feelings for two people?

Polyamory is described as the practice of having multiple romantic as well as sexual relationships with more than one person. It is important that everyone involved in this type of relationship has consented to this and is on board with everything that happens between them.

For some people, this starts with having a primary partner and then deciding to pursue more romantic or sexual relationships with other people, while still staying with their primary partner.

All in all, falling in love with another person does not make you polyamorous. If you decide to pursue a relationship with both people though, and both are on board with this, then this type of relationship can be considered polyamorous.

Most people who fall in love with two people at the same time don't act on their feelings for both individuals. Instead, they pursue a relationship with only one of the two people after carefully thinking about and understanding their feelings for each person.

Understanding your feelings and needs better

One of the most important things to consider when realizing you are in love with more than one person, and you do not wish to pursue a polyamorous or open relationship, is whether these feelings stem from something.

If you are not in a relationship, this might just be a situation where you fell in love with different qualities these people present. For example, one person might be very good-looking on the outside, and the other person might have a beautiful personality.

These qualities are not always combined when it comes to certain people, and you might meet someone who you like because of their looks and someone else you like because of their character. This happens more often than you think, and in most cases, people end up choosing to pursue the person that is more compatible with them when it comes to their character.

On the other hand though, if you are in a relationship and not a single person, you might need to rethink your relationship with your current partner. Maybe this is a sign that what your current partner is providing you with is not enough to cover your emotional or physical needs.

You might want different things in life and it is possible that you will develop feelings for someone else when you are not happy with your current relationship. Yes, you will probably feel guilty about being in love with someone else and it might feel like you are betraying your partner.

It is very important that you understand the root of these new feelings and whether it would be the right thing to pursue a new relationship. Being in love with two people when you are already with someone could help you understand that you are not truly as happy and in love with your current relationship as you might think you are.

How do you feel for each person?

Exploring a possible commitment toward two separate people can be confusing, especially if you’ve grown fond of them both already. Whether you’re thinking about dating two men, two girls, or exploring any other combination, be careful about understanding your feelings towards these two different people.

You might experience a momentary lust for certain people but mistake those feelings for love or wanting for something more. This is especially important when you are already in a relationship and you wish to stay honest with your partner. You might feel lust, but you won't necessarily feel love. It is easy to confuse this feeling with the one that makes you fall in love.

Think about each individual as a separate entity and give your head some time to process what you’re feeling. Does a person you’re thinking about being with make you feel safe and good about yourself? When thinking about this, you need to be honest with yourself because no one else has an idea of what feelings you’re processing at the moment.

Don’t act without giving yourself the time to explore what you feel. It might also be a good idea to talk to one of your close friends who knows you well, so they can give you some outside insight while also being familiar with your past dating life, relationship expectations, etc. Only once you’re sure of how you feel about each of the people you consider being with will you be able to make more informed and objective relationship decisions.

This will save you a lot of heartbreak and help you avoid difficult situations. The advice of your friends is very important and you should put your feelings first and think hard about how you feel about these two people. Passionate love can pass quickly but true love between two people can last forever. Make sure that your feelings for your relationship and that someone else you are thinking of are not just a result of passion or sexual attraction.

“A world where it is safe to love is a world where it is safe to live” - Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio

Decide between your two love interests

Being in love with two different people is complicated in terms of managing your emotional status quo. Do you feel more in love with one person or the other by any chance? If that’s the case, you may want to think about whether dating both at the same time is the logical choice.

It can easily make you feel guilty if you are not open and honest with both people involved. One of the two might see this forming into a committed relationship while the other might also want to see multiple people. Open relationships and polyamory can lead to a healthy relationship but everyone needs to be informed of who you are currently daring.

You might also find more happiness and intimacy by dating one person at a time, someone who will be devoted to you as much as you’d be devoted to them. A monogamous relationship can bring a very rewarding feeling for some people and dating multiple people is definitely not for everyone.

In order to decide that, try spending time with both of your love interests individually and think about how they make you feel. Can you imagine a future where you’re seeing that one person? Do you feel lust and the want for intimacy with them?

Discovering that you have strong feelings toward one partner or the other will steer you in the right direction of what you should do about your relationships with them. Most importantly, be honest with them in terms of what you feel and whether you’re ready to be fully invested with them.

If you don’t feel that way, it just means that life has other plans for your romantic relationships, so don’t beat yourself up over it. You can either pursue multiple partners or one partner. What will matter to everyone is being honest about your feelings and intentions towards them.

Open up about your feelings to a therapist

In a world where monogamous relationships are the norm, it’s okay to feel a little overwhelmed with your emotions about two people. Sometimes you need an opinion from a second person who is a third party to your relationships with other people.

Talking to your therapist about how polyamory makes you feel is a good way to understand yourself a bit better. Therapists see many different people every day and it is normal for them to talk about these things. They can give you some good advice and help you open up about your struggles with romantic love.

You don’t need to treat this as if you going to a relationship coach or someone who is a relationship expert on polyamorous dating. Talk to your therapist as if you would in any other circumstance and simply bring up the topic of relationships. Let them guide you through the conversation so that you can discover what you’re feeling. Are you actually feeling in love with two people or is something else happening underneath the surface?

It’s very possible to be romantically involved with two people if they’re consenting to the polyamorous nature of your involvement with them. However, choosing to date two individual people at once without them being aware of the fact isn’t polyamory – it’s something you don’t want to do to anyone because you wouldn’t want anyone to do it to you either.

Romantic love is based on trust between partners. The passion between two people might keep things moving, but nothing will replace the feelings of knowing you can fully trust your partner. This is essential in open relationships and polyamory, and you can definitely bring all these thoughts up with your therapist in order to get a second opinion on your feelings and issues with your potential or current partners.

Decide on whoever makes you happy

While traditional monogamy is what is expected of most people in our day and time, it is not something everyone is able to follow. There is nothing wrong with choosing to be in a relationship with more than one person, as long as everyone included is on board with this.

Falling in love with more than one person is something not everyone will experience, but if you are finding yourself in this situation make sure to think about what you're feeling. Whether you find that you feel the same for both people or not, deciding to date whoever makes you happy is what is most important.

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