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Cleopatra, Mata Hari, Casanova, Henry VIII - what do they all have in common? They were all masters at seduction. And modern men and women can learn a lot from these historical figures, whether they are looking to seduce just one person for love and romance or want to get multiple naked people into their bedroom for fun and sex, without a romantic commitment. So, just what do masterful seducers have in common?
Betsy Prioleau, a Ph.D. from Duke University, has taught history and literature and studied male and female seducers. She has written two books: Swoon, which summarises the characteristics of successful male seducers, and the female equivalent, Seductresses. In both books, the general characteristics are very similar, and include, among others, the following:
This trait should not be confused with physical good looks. It is really more a type of charm that others find compelling. In the world of business, it is often likened to compelling leadership - the ability to stand out, to persuade, and to exhibit a confidence that is hard to resist. They may also exhibit some androgyny and creativity. Young people today are looking for partners who have some depth, not just a sexy body and a good line. It’s a new dating world out there. If you only have a sexy body and a good line, get ready for hookups, not relationships.
So, if you are looking to develop some charisma, hook up with friends who seem to have it and work on copying their mental qualities.
Now, don't confuse character with a person being a "goody-two-shoes." Characters today are complex. A person may be fundamentally moral in their professional lives, and that is admirable. But in their personal lives, character may include bending the rules, having a high social IQ, a solid sense of self, and such. Character today is a fluid trait. Being a bit edgy is exciting and totally attractive.
So much of seduction depends on sensual connections - here are a few tips that most people claim have seduced their targets.
Sight - this includes everything from dress to making sexually come-hither eye contact, to a simple smile that says, "I'm really interested."
Sound - Music can be highly seductive if it is of the type that your target finds arousing. The trick is to discover what that is. And never discount the use of sex talk, once you have cues that this is wanted. And whispering in your target's ear is never wrong.
Smells - There is actually a body of research that has identified the most seductive scents. This may require some experimentation related to which are best to be worn or used in a bedroom environment.
Taste - Even first dates can be seductive experiences. And it's not just that some foods are thought to be aphrodisiacs. Techniques of sexy eating can make any date ultimately want to get naked and in bed. There is a classic movie, Tom Jones, which probably has the most erogenous and seductive eating scene ever filmed. If you have not seen it, you should. You will get plenty of advice on how seduction can occur through just the act of eating a meal.
Touch - On any date, the seducer may lean in and engage in erogenous touching - a hand, arm, legs, and even a tease with feet and ankles. Fingers down a cheek can also be sexually erotic.
And don't forget dancing. It can be one of the most seductive activities on the planet. The movement of two bodies physically connected on a dance floor, moving in tandem will leave no doubt in a receiver's mind about where this even casual relationship may be going.
Decades ago, the art of seduction rarely included intelligent conversation. Not so today. In an age of far more gender equality, such conversation can be quite sexy for certain people. So don’t discount or be afraid to display your intelligence. If it is not seen as sexy or erotic by your date, the maybe move on. If you are looking for an intellectual connection, find someone who sees your intellect as sexy. That relationship has a much better chance of lasting.
To sexually seduce someone, the seductor does not want to exhibit forceful control over a target, especially not today. While that may be appropriate in BDSM relationships, the control that is exhibited while seducing should be far more subtle and is a bit of a head game. Sexually seductive acts occur - of any type - and they are abruptly stopped, leaving the target confused and maybe a bit dissatisfied. Then the seduction begins again. This is teasing at its best.
These might be whispered while at small gatherings or asked out loud at a noisy bar and might include questions about sex and things that they may consider good sex. Of course, it is important to ask such questions only when the target has indicated enough interest and receptivity to such intimacy.
To seduce someone is to go beyond just flirting, and it's important to know the difference. Flirting is playful and enjoyable but is not focused on getting a target into bed. Flirting that is well-received can lead to seduction, but it is not that. Seducing someone involves making the target feel as if they are the only person in the room and in your mind and builds both intimacy and intensity, even though it may begin quite subtly.
Let's unpack just what this means. This kind of tension happens when two people are physically ready to get physical and get into bed, but it doesn't happen. Usually, this is because they are interrupted, because there is no opportunity at the moment, or because one of them pulls back. In a seductive scenario, the seductor or seductress does the pulling back in order to increase the desire of the target. Ultimately, if things go well, they end up in bed, of course.
Lots of activities outside of bed can serve to seduce someone. When the target sees the seductor as someone who is fun, spontaneous, exciting, makes you laugh, is adventurous and shares those activities with them, that seductor becomes far more sexually appealing. The ultimate goal may be bad, but these other things can make it all the better once it does happen.
This can be a huge turn-on if done correctly. Just remember, it must be consensual. Once a target has advanced to the being in bed stage, foreplay can bring about both sexual tension and ultimate sex and orgasm to new levels. Even the use of toys might be called for here. And remember this: anything that two consenting adults do in bed is cool.
They make the right eye contact; they exhibit all the right body language, such as touching legs, wrists, or arms. They get a somewhat positive response and decide to move forward, by asking an intimate question about their sex life. At this point, the attempts to seduce are being met by a target who seems far less interested. According to Corrina Horne, in a recent blog for Regain Us, "If someone openly expresses their discomfort...that is a time to back down. A new person might tell you that you are coming on too strong...While you might feel embarrassed, you don't have to: you can explain what your aim was and have a conversation from there." Or you can simply walk away and find another target to seduce.
And if you are feeling a loss of confidence because of a failure, you can always go back to dating and get them to bed in a slower more natural way, as some relationships do develop. Sex does not have to happen the same day or night you meet someone you want to eventually seduce into your bedroom.
So, here are 11 traits that masters use to seduce their targets - everything from dress to words, to body language, to erotic play, to open invitations to go to bed. Is it an art? Of course, it is. And no matter how sexually adept you may be, you need to seduce a bed partner if you are going to satisfy your desires.
Many claim it is easy to seduce someone. This is simply not the case. It's a process of gaining the interest of your target and then using your skills to gauge how receptive they will be to your advances.
Many claim that people who seduce others are manipulators. Yes, they are. But manipulation should not be always seen as a "bad thing." In the case of seduction, as long as there is no dishonesty or a clear purpose for breaking up a partnership or marriage.
Take these 11 strategies seriously. If you imagine yourself becoming a seducer, whether for great one-night stands or with a current relationship partner with whom you want to revitalise your love life, then get going and do it.
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