Asking the Right Questions to Your Lesbian Squeeze

You’ve had a first date with a fellow lesbian, and you are interested. She’s a happy girl with a pretty good personality, and you are ready to ask her for another date. On that first date, you both got the basics out of the way during this conversation – where you live, what you do for a living, and maybe even a favorite thing that each of you likes to do.

Now the challenge becomes what questions to ask her at what point in your lesbian relationship. In this case, the best approach comes from an old proverb: “Slow and steady wins the race.” Because if you don’t follow this advice, you will end up scaring your new lesbian squeeze off.

Let’s Start at the Beginning

Lesbian relationships are no different than any others, so don’t get the idea that just because you are two lesbians, things are somehow unique. They aren’t.

Right now, you are at the “just friends” stage even though there may be some initial chemistry. You like each other, that first date was fun, and you certainly want to stay connected and have more dates. She said she is down with that – great. If that date was in person, trade phone numbers. If it was online, you’ll have ways to message and even video call each other, so you’re covered.

It would probably be a good idea to do some research. The web is full of stuff about relationship stages and the kinds of questions and discussions that are right for each one. Reading up on this will give you some guidelines about what to ask your girlfriend if you’re in a lesbian relationship. And you get some example questions for each of these stages in your relationship.

It’s Early – Here’s Some “Rules”

In the early stages of a relationship development, you must keep the conversation light and fun. But at the same time, you do want to get enough information about her to decide if moving forward with more dates is a good idea. After all, some red flags may show up early on, and you will save yourself time and maybe some pain.

Begin with those light and fun topics. And here are some tips and strategies to make things go well

• Setting a casual tone is what you want right now.
• You’re more friends than lovers no matter what the chemistry might be telling you.
• If you are asking these questions on a date, in-person or digital, make sure the setting is good for conversation. A loud bar is obviously not a good environment nor is a lot of background noise during a video call.
• Don’t play 20 questions by peppering her with them. It looks more like an interrogation. Patience is really a virtue in this case. Try to bring up questions naturally as a part of a conversation. The only exception might be playing a game called “this or that.” It’s fun and will give you some insights into what she like, dislikes, and even hates.
• Watch for nonverbal behaviors. Everyone, queer girls included, sends signals with their body language. You might want to take a crash course in this, but for right now check out her posture and her eyes. Most people, if listening intently, will sit up straighter, engage in eye contact, and leave their arms uncrossed. The opposite may mean they are not really interested in the conversation.
• Engage in active listening to her responses. This will let her know you are taking in what she is saying, and it will give you follow-up questions to keep the conversation going.
• Once you receive a response, share your own to the same question. As you do this honestly, trust is built.
• She probably has boundaries – you need to respect those. If she stiffens or looks away, she’s not comfortable with the question. Move on to another topic quickly.

Now – Onto Those Questions

Here’s a bunch for you to chew on. Pick and choose at will.

• What’s your favorite thing to do on your days off? (You’ll learn about their passions, hobbies, and interests). Don’t forget to ask a few follow-ups about at least one of them – “how did you get interested in that?” This will keep the conversation going and you’ll learn more about her personality.
• What’s your favorite memory from your childhood? Most women have several of these and may have more than one answer. The more the better, because you have more follow-up question opportunities. Be sure to add your favorite memory or two as a kid, so you can compare. This may give you some insight into her parent and family relationships too.
• Do you like to cook? If you do cook, what’s your favorite meal to cook? You can add some humor here and say you’re a big fan of takeout, but then name the best meal you make. Then suggest that you cook for each other on some future dates.
• Tell me about your best friend. What qualities do they have that you love? You can learn a lot about someone by the friends they have and what they admire about them.
• What’s your favorite place to go when you need to relax? From here, you can tell her your favorite place and then mutually discuss why they relax you. You could even expand this to a discussion of what stresses each of you.
• Is there a book or movie that changed your life in any way? And do you have scene or quote from it that you have always remembered? Be prepared to answer the same question. This will give you both some insight into something you both value.
• What’s one movie that you could watch over and over again? First, this will give you some understanding of the type of genre she likes – horror, sci-fi, romantic comedy, or drama. Second the specific movie will give you follow-up questions to ask about why that movie has had such an impact on her. You’ll get a sense of her preferences on a deeper level.
• What is you idea of a fun activity? This will give you an idea if the girl prefers physical or mental activities. Maybe she prefers games that require mental strategies and challenges or games that test physical skills. Liking the same games is not always a requirement for a partnership. In fact, each of you could be open to trying something that is a great compromise – like an escape room game, either in person with your closest friends or online with other players.
• What’s your favorite color? You might not know this, but there is a lot of research on color psychology and personality. For example, someone who chooses blue is a more peaceful, quiet and thoughtful person. Someone whose favorite color is red is more passionate and energetic. So, this might be a takeoff for a great discussion. If you are opposites, don’t think that a connection is out of the question. You may be able to balance each other out nicely.
• If you could visit any spot in the world, what would it be? Of course, the follow-up here is why? You might learn a bit about her likes, dislikes, and even a small picture of her aspirations.
• Do you have a cause you support? Again, you’ll find out something she’s passionate about that relates to doing good.
• What are your favorite games to play? Do you play online games, or do you prefer board games. Do you like to play solo games like solitaire or competitive ones? How do you feel when you lose? When you win? While most people, women included, do like some friendly competition with their friends or acquaintances, a partner who is too competitive can spell trouble in a relationship. Maybe have a date night of games and see how she reacts.
• Is there a skill you’d like to learn? Maybe she’d like to learn to paint, skydive, become an auto mechanic, or learn to write better and create short stories and novels; maybe she’d like to learn to program and create games. You’ll get some sense of what your lesbian girlfriend finds important and perhaps on her bucket list.
• How do you balance work and life? Pay attention to your partner’s answers on this one. If your potential partner’s answers show that this balance is off, especially that work takes precedence, your lesbian girlfriend will place your relationship behind her focus on work. She will also find herself struggling with stress and declining emotional health.
• What would be a perfect date for you? This is a personal question but one that does not cross the line of staying away from those deeper level talks that are wrong in the early stages. After all, you’re not asking her when the first time was she had lesbian sex! And you will get some valuable information letting you compare her ideal lesbian first date with yours. She may be into a “partying” mode for that date – a concert, a dance club, and such. Or a fun date may be game night with other couples (safety in numbers?). Or her ideal lesbian first date might involve lunch in a quiet place for “get to know you” and come away with a preliminary picture of who each of you is at least at the first level. Nothing is wrong with any of these options – it’s a matter of comparison of your ideal lesbian first date experience.
• What’s the best piece of advice you got, from your parents, other major players in your “world,” or even a well-known figure you don’t know? And what’s the worst piece of advice you’ve ever been given? This will be a real eye-opener because it will reveal some of your lesbian date’s values. If the best piece of advice was something like pursue your goals without harm to others, that shows empathy and kindness. If it is more like go after your goals aggressively whatever the possible impacts, risks, or challenges, this is not the same thing. In fact, it smacks of lack of regard for others. If that pops up as the worst piece of advice, good for her. Listen very carefully to what she says. If she’s honest, you’ll know her priorities.
• What is your biggest fear? This may seem to be one of those personal questions that is asked too early, but maybe not. What is your biggest fear? Aren’t you willing to share it with others, especially if it involves such things as the economy, climate change, or the current attacks on the queer population? If you lesbian first date voices these same concerns, there’s a great connection on key issues that are important to both of you.
• Pick 3 people, dead or alive, you’d like to have dinner with. Who are they? Think about who you would have dinner with as she thinks about her answer. Who is the first person that pops into your mind? Is it a Hollywood celebrity? Is it a leader of a movement you hold dear? Is it a lesbian woman who paved the way for tolerance and equality? Is it a family member of a personal hero? The people she chooses will say a lot about your lesbian girlfriend and her values and priorities.
• What do you consider a big accomplishment during the past year? This may require her to pause and think a bit, so let her. Her answer may be career-based or personal growth based. Whichever it is, you should have some follow up ready to dig into her reason for naming that and how it made her feel. This will help you to know a bit more about your lesbian squeeze’s values and priorities.
• What would your friends say is their favorite thing about you? This is always a great question. It may make this new lesbian partner a bit uncomfortable at first, because a lot of people are hesitant to sing their own praises. If she turns her response into boastful talk about herself, be a bit wary. It could be a sign of trouble down the road.
• Do you have any guy friends that you talk to or confide in? Does it make a difference if they are straight or gay? It’s important that queer people, gay or straight, have friends of any sex or sexuality. It means they are open and see all people connected in their humanity – a great quality for your queer squeeze to have.
• When you meet someone new, is their sexual orientation important to you? If she says “yes,” it’s probably a good idea not to date her anymore. This should be a dealbreaker for you. Having been the target of discrimination, intolerance, hate, and even violence, everyone in the LGBTQIA+ population should view everyone as a three-dimensional person who is far more than their sexuality and being queer.
• What things make you laugh a lot? Her responses may vary. There may be types of jokes on social media or told by friends in social circles, memes, or elsewhere that she finds so funny that she laughs out loud. It’s important that her sense of humor is not at the expense of others. So, listen carefully to the examples that she gives you and make sure those are the types of humor you find funny (and appropriate) too.
• How do you deal with change or uncertainty? Listen carefully to this answer from your potential lesbian partner. Can she have flexibility and adaptability when it comes to facing challenges and the unknown and the resiliency to bounce back? This is important for all couples, because change is kind of a forever thing. As a follow up, ask for an example of when she was thrown a curve ball and worked through it well.
• Do you have a process for making important decisions? Shooting from the hip happens, especially when decisions must be made quickly. But most important decisions people make involve a progression of looking at pros and cons and the risks involved. Hopefully, this new lesbian potential partner has a process and can explain it.
• How do you deal with a conflict with a co-worker, friend, or family member? Carefully listen here. There should be some type of process involved for reaching compromises and, if after all efforts have failed, making the decision to cut them loose. For all couples, there will be conflict. Does she show a willingness to find the middle ground, or dig in her heels?
• Do you have a bad habit you’re struggling with but working on? Everyone has a bad habit or two. This can actually turn into a humorous discussion of each other’s quirks. Talk about one or two of your own that others find funny. If the habit is serious, ask what resources she is using to overcome it. This will give you an idea about her willingness to get help when needed.
• What’s your favorite holiday? Why? Lots of us have a favorite holiday because it can be nostalgic and bring back many good memories. Once your lesbian date names hers, ask some follow up questions about why it is. You’ll learn more about her background.
• How do you celebrate your successes? While this may not be a game changer question, you can hope to learn a little more about her. Does she throw a party or meet up with friends for a good time? Or does she celebrate with some guilty pleasures like retail therapy, a day at the spa, or a mini vacation? It’s all good really.
• What’s one tradition that you will carry on forever? Again, this can be nostalgic. And the response of this new potential lesbian partner will let you see a bit more of her story and why this tradition is so important to her.
• How much time do you spend on social media? What are your favorite platforms? What kinds of things do you post? The average American spends about 2 hours and 14 minutes on social media in a day. What’s your average? Once you get her responses, you’ll have plenty of follow up questions to keep this talk going for a while. And in it all you get more info about this potential lesbian partner – a good thing.
• What do you do when you have trouble sleeping at night? You can expect any number of responses to this from your potential lesbian partner. But what she does can inform you a bit. Does she get up and read? Does she watch something on TV? Does she have a glass of wine or take a sleep aid? Or does she just toss and turn in frustration? This may give you some info on how she deals with even minor challenges.
• What did you learn if anything from your last relationship? This is another very telling response. If she has done some introspection, she will be able to tell you what she learned and how that will change her behavior in future relationships or what she will look for in a new one before she becomes connected with someone. If her response turns into an ex-bashing session, it’s not a good sign. It means she cannot admit any fault of hers. Think about how that will play out if you become connected to her and hit a big crisis? Whose fault will she say it is?
• What do you hope to accomplish in the next year? Her response may be a professional or a personal one. No matter. The point here is to listen to that response and then ask the important follow up – What’s her plan to accomplish this? If she’s serious, she’ll have a plan laid out. If not, it’s just a dream at this point.
• What’s the best place to go on a first date? If she’s smart, she’ll come up with a public place and possibly a daytime meet up. Or she may choose a concert of club at night where other friends will be in attendance. Safety and caution appear to be her first concern for that first date. Good for her. You want that in a potential queer partner. She doesn’t take unnecessary risks. Of course this isn’t an issue if your first date is online. But see what she chooses – something raucous and party-like or a virtual date in a quieter environment that allows you to talk.
• What’s you favorite thing to do when you indulge yourself? Again, there will be variety of responses here, and any of them are right if they really indulge her. What’s important is that she sees self-indulgence as an important part of her staying mentally healthy. If she has no interest in self-indulgence, she may be a workaholic who has no balance – not good.
• When you were a kid, when and how did you learn there was no Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, or Tooth Fairy? How did you feel about that? More nostalgia here. Was she traumatized by the events or was her “letdown” gradual and with parental support? Hopefully, she will respond in a humorous way, letting you know that she can deal with disappointments and move on. You’ll get a sense of her resilience and more understanding of her personality.
• When you have made a connection with someone, how important is honest and open communication? Her response better be “very important.” This is not a game to be played. It’s time for honesty. Just make sure as you move along that your squeeze doesn’t play games and lives up to her declaration. If you discover that some of her communications are not truthful, it’s time to question your relationship. One lie can lead to many more.
• Who is the first person you came out to? How did you do it? This will allow her to tell more of her story and lead to more conversation about coming out in general and the challenges when struggling to deal with other people’s responses. All queers who come out will face acceptance from some and judgement and even disdain from others. Talking about how to deal with those can make your connection stronger and help each other cope in a world that is often intolerant.
• Are you a tight, flexible, or loose budgeter? If you are a tight budgeter, and she is loose, this might be somewhat of a red flag. Issues about money are one of the key causes of a marriage or relationship break up.
• How important are your spiritual beliefs to you? What are the most important parts that lead your actions? Your queer squeeze may be a part of an organized religion or, like many today, finds spiritual direction from a wealth of non-sectarian sources. One’s spiritual beliefs are deeply personal, and it may seem like crossing a line early in a relationship. But go ahead and ask the question and see what response you get. This woman may be happy to discuss this with anyone and may spend time telling you about her beliefs and how they impact her world and her actions.
• What is your favorite spot to be kissed? This is just a fun question. You can tell her yours too!

Now, all of these questions, fun and serious, will be posed over a period of time from the first time you meet forward through the development of your relationship. If all of this should occur online, remember your dating has to be done with video calls, and there are certainly plenty of platforms to make this happen.

If it is still pretty early in your relationship, there are some questions that you shouldn’t be asking. These should be reserved for the time when you both feel totally comfortable and safe with each other – in other words, once trust has fully developed and both of you are certain that no games are being played. Whether you’ve had sex or not doesn’t matter.

No-No Questions When a Relationship is Young

There is no timeline for when a relationship is young and when it moves forward to a higher level. For some, it may be 6 months; for others, it may be more than a year – it’s all pretty subjective and depends on how both feel. One partner may feel it sooner than the other, but until both are feeling it, questions and conversations need to stay at the early-stage level.

Here’s a list of questions you should avoid if either one or both of you are not feeling that deeper level.

• How do you feel about marriage and a family? If so, am I on your contender’s list?
• When was the first time you had lesbian sex? What was it like? Tell me what made you really feel good about it? Was there anything that would have made it better?
• Are you ready to delete your dating profile?
• How often do you want to have sex?
• What is your idea of the perfect night in bed with me?

These questions belong in a relationship that has emotionally moved beyond the early stages. Just make sure both of you are on the same page before they are posed.

Let’s Recap

Life as a lesbian looking for the right relationships does follow a pattern. Lesbians decide what they want and then pursue that goal. If they want something meaningful, then they meet other lesbians and explore the possibilities. Sometimes that exploration takes place in person, and sometimes it occurs online. Getting to know potential partners is a progression, beginning with those “getting to know you” questions that have been given above. Some may be right for you, some not. Go through this thorough list and choose those that work for you. And then proceed slowly and steadily, probing for the responses you are looking for. Does it require time and patience? Of course. But if you explore with these questions, you come through with a clear understanding of the lesbian squeeze you are considering.

Have We Mentioned Taimi?

If you haven’t heard of Taimi, it’s time you do. It is the largest exclusively LGBTQIA+ online dating platform on the planet – 29+ million and growing daily. Among those users are hundreds of thousands of lesbians looking for all types of relationships, including long-term partnerships, if that is what you are seeking. And many of them are close by – lesbians you would not meet in life using traditional methods.

But Taimi is so much more than just a dating app. While it operates a couple matching system that is second-to-none using its own in-house developed formula that includes AI tracking of users’ behavior on the app to further refine those matches.

As for the rest of what it does, hold on:

• Taimi operates its own in-house social media platform. There are groups to join, including a bunch totally related to lesbian life. And users are free to begin their own groups and gather a following
• Lesbians have the option to set up a radius around their own location to refine their search
• Taimi runs games, contests, and other fun activities throughout the year. Many of the games are holiday themed. Participating in them, along with all of the social groups, promotes a close community atmosphere where members celebrate gender identity and sexuality of everyone else.

To read about all of these features and more, access the Taimi website and read all of the general information and those pages specific to lesbians.

Joining Taimi is easy by downloading the app from either play store. There are buttons to push on every website page just to do that. Once you have joined, Taimi helps you create a master profile that will attract just the lesbian relationships you are looking for. And you create a different profile any time you want. One more thing – Taimi is open all thru the day and night, so not matter what your schedule may be, there are always fellow lesbians to chat up. Join today and get going!