We’ve grown up in a hetero world. Boys are taught to do “male” things. And when they get to be teenagers, they are expected to be interested in girls and to begin to date them. And girls are supposed to be waiting for those date invites and to be excited when the guy inviting them is someone they like too.
And guys get lots of advice about how to ask a girl out. And over time they get lots of experience and learn how to do it well.
But here you are a lesbian. You’ve never accepted any date invitation from a guy. But now you are ready to date and want to figure out exactly how to ask a girl out and, even more, how to get her to answer yes. After all, this is one of those life skills that no one has taught you.
So maybe this article is just what you need. It is what guys are using to get women to date them. So, sit down, take a breath, and learn how to do this with the least amount of anxiety – it’s really not rocket science.
The Preparation – Yeah, It’s Important
You can’t just hope she’ll be thrilled that you asked her out and with a big smile say “yes.” That would be only in your dreams. So, there are some things you have to consider as you make a plan.
How Confident Are You (Or at Least Seem to Be to Others)?
Just like Rome, confidence is not built in a day. It’s something you have to work on over time.
So, there is some research out there about how you build confidence, and it might be worth taking a look at when you’re in a social situation and wanting to ask a girl out.
Fake it ’til you make it
You’ve heard this expression. But in the area of confidence, it can be done. Here’s how men fake confidence, and you should do the same:
- Groom yourself before you go out in public. Hair is styled; clothing is clean and wrinkle-free; tennies are clean. An impeccable appearance exudes confidence.
- Have an assertive stand and walk. Practice that stand and walk by watching other confident women, in person or in movies, TV shows, or videos
- Practice an assertive, confident voice tone. Again, absorb how confident women speak, in-person or as you watch them in the media.
- Practice your voice tone in front of a mirror and work on your facial expressions. You want to be cool, confident, a bit alluring, but very open and approachable too.
If you can fake it well, asking a girl for a date will be much easier. She’ll see you as a confident gal who is comfortable in her own skin. That’s attractive to others, fellow lesbians included.
Take Risks
There’s nothing like taking risks, maybe even failing at them, but building up resistance to those failures. This is more of a long-term thing, so while you’re faking it, take those risks and learn to shrug off any failures as learning experiences.
Use it or Lose It
Another saying you’ve heard many times. If you don’t practice confidence every day, you’ll slip back into your old self of fear and uncertainty. Never a good place to be when you want to ask someone for a date. You come across as weak and not in control of your destiny. Not impressive, to say the least.
Evaluate the Environment
So, are you friends, acquaintances, or strangers? Do you have mutual friends? Are you co-workers, or are you in classes together? Have you just admired her from afar? Or have you just met at the same social event?
Each of these situations will require a different approach in asking for that first date.
If she’s a best friend, and you want it to be more, you may have to be a bit indirect at first in order to “test the waters.” Say something like, “I always have so much fun with you. I have tickets to (whatever) for Friday night. Are you up for a first date with me? We could do dinner first and have some time to talk.” If you are a bit on the shy side, you might do it by text. She may not respond quickly – be patient. She’ll probably have to think about that word “date” and decide if she is into more than a friendship with you too.
If she’s just an acquaintance, maybe you both hang out with mutual friends. When you’re at the same event or activity, spend some time getting to know her a bit better. Smile, make eye contact, and ask her questions about herself. If she smiles, keeps eye contact and is willing to talk, focus on her body language. Be a good listener so she knows you are interested. Then, you might mention you’d like to see more of her, and what’s her schedule like this week. If she’s interested, she’ll answer with her schedule and tell you when she’s available. You’re in.
Now, about that stranger. She frequents the same coffee shop you do almost every day. Or you’re at an event. You’ve been eyeing her. You keep glancing in her direction, hoping she’ll catch a few of them. If she does, smile and see if she does too. If so, you’re ready to move on in. Don’t be afraid to use a pickup line as long as it’s not trite and cheesy. Something like, “My girlfriends bet me I couldn’t talk to the best-looking girl in the place. Want to spend their money on some drinks and just talk after this is over?” If you’re at that coffee shop, invite yourself over to where she is seated and begin a conversation, making it all about her. If it progresses well, ask her for her phone number of give her yours. No rush. Patience is a virtue.
Choose the Right Moment
So, a coworker you want to date has had a terrible day. She needs out of there to the peace and quiet of her own place, a glass of wine or a couple of beers, and her pjs on the couch. She doesn’t need you asking her for a date. Big mistake if you do. Instead, offer something of comfort. Order her favorite meal delivered to her place – you’ll be a hero.
You’re in a class with a woman you want to date. You’ve finished a major project together and are looking toward a tough final exam. Your mutual study group is focusing on the exam. Asking her out for dinner and drinks right now won’t get you a good response. Get through the exam first. When the study group disbands after that final, then approach her with an invite to celebrate the end of the nerve-wracking time. She’ll probably appreciate the invite and answer with a big “yes.”
That stranger? Don’t assume she is ready to have that date just yet. Present the invite and if she turns you down this time, just ask for her phone number or give her yours for a future potential date.
The key to all of this is to “read” the atmosphere in the moment and make a wise decision to move forward or to back off for the time being. Respect where the person is at the moment.
Three Ways to Ask a Girl on a Date
So, you’ve got three options. You can ask a fellow lesbian woman for a date in person; you can ask her by text or email; or you can do it via an online dating service if that is how you have met her. Let’s unpack each of these options.
The In-Person Invite
We’ve covered some of these ways above in this article. But let’s have a look at the details and some specific tips. Before you take any of these tips and use them, first make sure you “take her temperature” and determine she’s in a good place to take in your invite. If you feel the temperature is good, move in for the “kill.”
Keep it Casual
No matter how you may feel about this girl, if you come on too strong, she may get nervous and back off. She’ll probably be polite and a bit vague about the idea of dating you. These are subtle “no’s.” Take the cue and move on.
Dump the Idea of Grand Gestures
You’re nowhere near the point of extravagant dates, a weekend trip, and such. The truth is you’re just trying to get that first date. If you overwhelm her with this crap, she’ll be backing away pronto!
Be Honest About Your Intentions
This date is important to you. She needs to know that your intentions are serious. Whether it’s a friend, acquaintance, or a stranger, make sure she understands that your purpose is to get to know her not to get her into bed. Strong relationships are built on two people getting to know each other – goals, values, beliefs, and compatibility – before physical intimacy enters the picture.
Wait for a High Point in Your Conversation
Suppose you have just shared an hysterically funny joke at an event. Or you have both passed that final exam with flying colors. Or, you have finished that laborious project at work. Both of you are feeling great. This may be the moment to take the leap. Something like, “I can see we have the same sense of humor. How about we meet up for dinner and see what else we have in common?” Or, “OMG, I’m so glad we killed it – time for a celebration. How about drinks and dinner Friday night? My treat.”
Ask Her Lots of Questions as You Talk
Find time, even before you ask a girl out, to have some conversation with her, whether at work, school, a social event, etc. Make the conversation all about her with some unique questions beginning with lighter ones first. If you need an idea or two, just Google icebreaker questions, and you’ll find bunches. Gradually move to more serious questions, be an active listener, and mention those things you have in common.
Maybe you share an interest in something. This is the perfect “in” to ask a girl for a date. Supposed she really likes action-packed movies, and you do too. Wait a day or two, get in touch with “Hey there. I have two tickets to Plane for Saturday night if you’re free. We could catch a quick dinner before. Are you in?”
Invite Her on a Group Date
Here is how to ask a girl out with less pressure and in a subtler way and not making a big deal about it. Plan an activity with some friends. This is less like a real date, and the girl may be more willing to hang with you in a group instead of just a twosome. “Hi there. Some friends and I are planning an escape room adventure. I think you just might be a good problem-solver. How about you hang with us, have some fun, and give us a better chance of winning?” If she’s interested in you, she’ll probably say yes.
Win Her Over with the Little Things
This will only work with a girl you see pretty regularly – a friend, fellow student, or co-worker. Make some small gestures.
If she’s having a bad day, get her favorite candy bar from the snack machine, deliver it with an honest comment: “I thought maybe you could use this about now.”
Bring an extra croissant to work or class and say, “Oh look, they must have given me two of these – here’s one for you!”
If she has been a friend for a while and you talk often, she may let you know when she is stressed, nervous, or frustrated about something, at work, at school, or somewhere else. Here is the perfect opportunity to do something special. Tell her you are going to order dinner for her and have it sent to her place, so she can just relax and “veg.” Maybe add a bottle of her favorite wine too.
These small gestures don’t tell you exactly how to ask her out. The message they send is that you are a person who cares about them and is interested in their well-being. When you get around to actually asking her for a date, she won’t be wondering why you are doing this – it will seem to be a natural next step in the relationship.
How to Ask Her Out Without Really Asking
What? How does this even happen? Here’s an example of just how this can happen.
You applied for a new job and got it; you’ve gotten a big promotion and raise; you aced a final exam; an investment has paid off, and you’ve made some money. It’s time a for a celebration. You relate this good news to your crush and ask her if she is interested in celebrating with you. With luck, she congratulates you and says yes.
You and a bunch of mutual friends are out for a night of karaoke. She is there. Want to let her know your feelings? When someone sings a song that relates to your feelings for her, lean over to her and say, “This is how I feel about you.” It will be easy to gauge if she is interested or not by her reaction – you’ll see it on her face and in her body language. If it’s all positive, you know you’ll be asking her out and she will say yes.
How to Ask a Girl Out Via Call or Text
So, this is the method you will normally use with an acquaintance or a stranger you met and exchanged phone numbers with. Neither of them is a woman you’re going to see in person and hang with. So, as you wonder how to ask a girl out that you barely know, here are a few strategies and tips:
Have Some Conversation First
You want her to get to know you a bit as a person – not just a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
And you also need to make it as much about her as possible. She should know that you are interested in her as a person, not just some chick to casually date and then move on to other girls.
While texting, it’s easy to become rather rote and almost impersonal, but you will need to make sure that you watch your language, so it does not become that way.
Slip in some words of endearment as the texting moves along to warm up the conversation and the growing relationship. And watch how she responds to this warm-up. If she responds with some reciprocal endearments, it is probably time to ask for that date. If her responses get a bit curt, you probably have the idea that she isn’t interested in things going further. Move on.
Now let’s suppose she stays warm and friendly. What kind of dates would be good for someone you really don’t know well?
The Spare Ticket Trick
The article covered this above, but it works well here too. A friend gave you two tickets to some event (type of movie, concert, etc.) that you have discovered she likes during your conversations. Shoot off a quick text telling her about the tickets and ask if she would like to go. Obviously, this isn’t the whole truth, but what’s a little white lie at this point?
The Something Exciting News
Again, the article covered this earlier, but it is a pretty perfect way for how to ask a girl out. The problem, of course, is coming up with some exciting news when there may not be any. Maybe you can find some small thing worth celebrating so you can somewhat tell the truth. Maybe you finished a major project at work; maybe you aced a final exam at school; maybe you just found out your sibling is having a baby. Whip off a quick text and ask her if she’d like to celebrate with you, even just meet for coffee or drinks.
Food is Always Good
Maybe in your texting, she has said that she has to work late or is having a terrible day. Use a food app and send a favorite food of hers over to her. After the delivery is confirmed, text or call her and say, “I hope this makes your day (or night) a bit better. Maybe this weekend, if you’re free, you’ll be able to spend time relaxing. How about we meet up for coffee or lunch?” Making the first real date in the daytime will seem casual to her, and she will more likely say yes.
How to Ask a Girl Out with a Game
This strategy shows your humorous side. For example, make a bet, maybe on an upcoming football or basketball game. The loser has to buy the winner lunch at a place of the winner’s choosing. Again, a first date during the day in a public place is always a good idea. It just seems more casual. And you had a little fun getting to it.
How to Ask a Girl Out When Digital Dating
Online dating sites have had a huge growth in popularity in the past couple of decades. And why not? You can filter for fellow lesbians, get to know a girl, and she can get to know you in a no-stress environment. Most of them even have video chat, so a normal conversation can take on an in-person feel. And you can know for sure if she’s interested. And it’s far less nerve wracking – you don’t have to act like someone you’re not or play games. And if things don’t work out, it’s easy to move on in digital space.
After a time, when she is ready, you can ask for the in-person date. And how great to know ahead of time that the two of you are probably a good match!
Now, we’ve covered how to ask a girl out in different environments. It’s time for this article to talk about dealing with her responses.
Types of Responses You Will Get
So, the second part of how to ask a girl out will be how to deal with each type of response you may get from the woman. Just a few more tips and we’ll let you go.
When the answer is:
No
This is the one you don’t want. No choice here but to accept it, no matter how you feel. The key here is not to act angry – be graceful, not rude, and respect her decision. The important thing is you have power over your emotions – control them.
Yes
You figured out how to ask a girl out, put it into action, and it paid off. Be happy and make that initial date the best she has had in her life. Make her feel like the most important person in your life at that moment.
Maybe
Here’s a tricky one. You’ve been clear about how you feel, and she is not being clear at all. Take it as a no, even though it may be temporary. There are lots of possible reasons. Be patient, let her know you are still interested, but give her space for a while. Sometimes, this is an example of a woman’s answer when trying to let someone down easily without the courage to give a direct no.
A Final Word
So, this article has given you tips on how to ask a girl out, ways to tell a woman how your feel, making dates a success, and how to respond to each answer she might give you.
As you practice the tips for how to ask a girl out, get a bit of a thick skin, but keep a soft spot for when that right person comes along with asking for that beginning date. And if you haven’t been successful yet, keep living your life until your are.
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