Other catfishers set up fake identities in order to troll, harass, or digitally bully or abuse. Catfishing has a niece – it’s known as kittenfishing. This is the act of exaggerating things about yourself, telling little white lies, etc. in order to be more attractive to others – on social media, on dating sites, and such. Are we all a little guilty of kittenfishing? Probably. But if we do it in an online dating environment and ultimately meet our dates in person, there is a problem. Let’s look at some examples of kittenfishing and why you should avoid engaging in it.
Examples of Kittenfishing
Read these examples carefully, and be honest with yourself. Do you do these things, and justify them as “things everybody does”? Maybe it’s time to examine your conscience.
The Photos are a Bit Strange
Usually, photos consist of just head shots. If they include more of you, the clothing may seem out of date and from an earlier time. They are obviously old photos of a younger you. If you are using only headshots, and filtered ones at that, and if you are doing all of this for the purpose of hiding body imperfections, then how do you ever meet that person face-to-face? You can’t keep up that kind of a façade.
You Add or Subtract Weight and/or Height
Are you planning on some kind of crash diet before you actually meet in person? Or are you planning to add shoe lifts or wear spike heels in order to increase your height? Maybe you’re going to try to hunch over to seem shorter? Get real. Give your real weight and height if you are asked. It’s just stupid to try to tweak these things if you know you will ultimately have a face-to-face meetup.
Exaggerating Your Job or Career Responsibilities
So, you are the receptionist in a medical practice office. Instead, you say you are the manager of the practice. And yet, your text messages to your matches are filled with major grammar and writing issues. Really? If you try to exaggerate your career position, it will come out eventually. Far better that you are totally honest from the very beginning. Focus on your good qualities rather than trying to build yourself up through those “little” lies that don’t become so “little” when the truth comes out.
Pretending Interests and Knowledge
So, you have a match that looks promising. That person has interests and hobbies and a certain knowledge base that you don’t share. So, you are trying to impress by pretending to know what you don’t. Your match is well-traveled and has been to the Galapagos Islands. You say you have too. Ultimately, you will get caught up in your lie when you meet for dinner and you cannot respond to even the most basic questions, such as where you stayed, what tour company you used, etc. How embarrassing.
Think About the Consequences of What You are Doing
In fact, you’re hurting yourself and others. Here’s why:
Hurting Yourself
- You are painting a false picture of yourself that will eventually come out and kill any relationships you have been nurturing, once the truth is exposed
- You become known as dishonest and untrustworthy – who wants that in a relationship?
Hurting Others
- If they don’t catch onto your little lies and become attached to you, it’s a major and hurtful disappointment when you turn out not to be everything they thought you were.
- They have wasted time on you when they could have been connecting with someone who is actually honest.
What To Do If You’ve Been Kittenfished?
If you have been a “victim” of kittenfishing, how should you respond? Well, that is totally up to you. But here are some options you have:
- You can certainly confront the kittenfisher with the untruths and explain that it was unethical and not appreciated. No need to yell and scream. Stay calm but firm
- You have a choice – forgive and forget and continue the relationship but hopefully on more honest terms, or cut the cord clean and move on. This depends upon how emotionally attached you have become, but also on how important total honesty is to you.
- Certainly, if you decide to dump the kittenfisher and move on, be more aware of the clues and probe deeper next time.
Here’s the Thing
When you tell the whole truth from the beginning, you will still find matches on that dating site. And if any of those matches develop into a deeper connection, they will have an honest “picture” of who you are. And they’re still interested. When you are really “you,” then no one gets hurt, and the prospects for the right relationships are in place.
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