Are soulmates real? That may depend on how you define the term. If you’re spiritual or religious, you may believe that soulmates exist in a very real way, and that there is someone in the world meant for you. If not, you may still embrace the notion of a soul mate as someone with whom you are perfectly suited. Of course, there are skeptics too. There are also people out there who might seem to be a true soulmate, but instead causes chaos in your life.
So, what is a soulmate? Are soulmates real or just wishful thinking? What can you do to ensure you are experiencing a real connection, and not lovebombing? Have you ever wondered if someone is your soulmate, or felt something magical in the early stages of dating? This piece will answer all of these questions and more!
Soul Mates – Subjective But Real
Looking at things from a broad perspective, soulmates are a real thing. Whether you think a soulmate connection comes from a divine source, or is just someone who aligns with you so perfectly that it’s clear a deep connection was meant to be, some people are able to find that one individual who is ideal for them. While science doesn’t prove the existence of soulmates, science has shown that some folks feel more comfortable and safe around certain people.
Key Signs of a Soulmate Relationship
How do you know that you’ve met your soulmate? Plenty of people can be great partners, but there’s just something different about the sense of connection you feel when you and another person are soulmates.
You Can Speak Freely
You should never to hold your tongue or walk on eggshells around your soulmate. Instead, you should be able to share the good and bad with your partner. The soulmate experience isn’t about agreeing all of the time on everything or never having any negative experiences. It’s about a relationship that naturally allows you to be authentic and forthcoming. Why? It’s all about the vibe. When you are with the person who truly aligns with you, then you know that your relationship and connection aren’t going to fade over those
Silence is Golden
Although you can speak about anything with your soulmate, you can also say nothing at all. It’s a great sign for your relationship when you can exist in blissful silence without the need to fill the gaps with conversation. You simply feel a sense of peace when you are in one another’s presence.
You Lift Each Other Up
You don’t have to be perfect or in a positive mood every time you are with your soulmate. You should be able to show up authentically, share what is going on with you, and just feel uplifted simply because you are spending time together. Again, it’s that special connection that two soulmates have when you are destined to be together.
You Are Okay Apart
spending time with your soulmate is wonderful, but you will also feel okay apart. You feel secure enough in your relationship that you can pursue interests, work, and other friendships. Soulmates don’t have to spennd every waking moment together. They have a sense of peace and trust, and feel safe spending time apart.
When It’s Lovebombing Not Soulmates
Sometimes, you may be led to believe your relationship is destined. Your new partner may claim you and they are meant to be. They may even push for a fast commitment, shower you with compliments, and give you gifts. You might be soulmates, but this could be lovebombing. Love bombing is a toxic tactic that manipulative people use to get you to fall hard and fast, and commit to a relationship that probably isn’t good for you.
The purpose of love bombing is to set up unrealistic expectations, gain your trust, and then pull the rug out. Why? Sometimes it’s because your prospective partner genuinely believes that’s how you build a healthy relationship. Often, it’s because the other individual is a scammer, cheater, or otherwise dysfunctional.
Soul Mate or Twin Flames?
You may have heard the term twin flames. Some people use that phrase interchangeably with soulmates, but the meaning of soulmate is not the same as twin flame. With your soulmate, you have a deep connection that is peaceful and harmonious. A twin flame is another person who is supposed to be the other half of your soul. These relationships are not always peaceful or positive. Sometimes, a twin flame will come into your life to help you learn important lessons or learn more about yourself. Both, twin flames and soulmates can be found in a friendship or a romance. However, soulmates tend to last longer.
Wanting What Isn’t There
There is nothing wrong with wanting human connection, but that can turn into an unhealthy obsession with creating some romantic fantasy where you meet the one person who was put on earth just for you to fall in love at first sight. If your desire to make that romantic connection becomes strong enough to override your sense of reality, you might impose your desires on your relationships.
Don’t confuse this with the initial starry eyes and butterflies you experience with a new relationship, when your are feeling intense passion. That’s just human nature. You may have blinders on, but you aren’t ignoring reality.
Soulmates Exist – Does it Really Matter?
The concept of soulmates is real simply because it’s such a subjective concept. There’s no objective criteria for precisely what makes someone your one true life mate. Each person gets to decide what the truth is about their partnerships.
On one hand, this is great! Science, other people’s opinions, etc. don’t define what soulmates are for you or anybody else. The concept is yours alone to create in a way that applies to your life.
On the other hand, you might struggle or feel disappointed if you create a romantic fantasy that your current relationship cannot fulfill. Some people get so obsessed with the idea of meeting their soulmate that they cannot experience true intimacy.
A Dose of Reality Can Lead to Future Happiness And Hope
There is a great chance that you will never meet someone who fits whatever your beliefs are about soulmates. That’s okay! Just like love at first sight doesn’t start every relationship, the person who is meant for you may not be someone you ever think of using the words soulmate. Relationships between humans are complicatated and messy. Some people evolve from friends into lovers. Other relationships evolve after two imperfectly matched people manage to engage in communication and compromise to build a worthwhile relationship. Also, keep in mind that your soulmate, if it exists, could be a close family member or friend who just happens to closely align with you.
How The Soulmate Obsession Causes Harm
To be clear, the idea of soulmates isn’t inherently harmful. If two individuals respect one another and have a healthy bond, there’s no harm in believing that they are soulmates. But, there are ways in which pursuing a soulmate connection or defining a relationship in those terms could cause conflict or signify some generally unhealthy patterns.
- Unreasonable Expectations – The best, most connected marriage, friendship, or family bond requires work to succeed. Any relationship therapist will tell you that even well-matched humans will struggle with conflict and healthy communication. If someone has an idea that their friend, lover, or even child is perfect for them, anything that contradicts that can feel devastating. At some point, most folks whou have soulmates are either forced to admit that they still have to work at things, argue in a healthy way, learn to communicate better, and otherwise work on things. Calling someone your soulmate doesn’t magically make things easier.
- Potential For Manipulation And Abuse – Abusive, manipulative, or just plain lost people will use terms like soulmates to make others feel obligated to stay. They may use it to pressure someone into committing before they are ready, to shut down disagreement, or cause the other to fear what might happen if they leave.
- Unhealthy Pressure – It can feel good to have your “other half” call you their soulmate, but there’s a pressure there too! Imagine being the single person another has identified as their one and only who is bound by the stars to be with them forever, but you begin to doubt things. Not only do you have the pressure of deciding whether or not to continue things. You do that while realizing you are going to dash the other person’s hopes of having found something magical.
Individuals who see meeting their soulmate as the pinnacle of lifelong partner bonds often struggle to enjoy making friends, dating, and socializing. That’s because, according their understanding they are seeking this singular partnership that will magically transform them and their lives. When their relationships don’t fit into some idea they’ve created, they end up being disappointed.
- Lack of Self-Awareness – People who get “stuck” on the idea of soulmates are often surprised when they encounter reality. When things get difficult they may lash out and blame their partner rather than looking inward to see if they have contributed to things going wrong. Essentially, the concept of soulmates may be used to dodge one’s own responsibility to ensure the security and longevity of one’s partnerships. Likewise, when things go wrong, folks who focus on soulmates may just think, “I guess that wasn’t my soulmate.” and move on rather than working on things.
Focus on Healthy Partnerships
Rather than worrying about whether someone is your spiritual other half or predetermined by some divine force to be with you forever, focus on having a happy, robust social life. Then, when you do meet someone and fall in love, enjoy it while keeping your expectations realistic. Loving partenerships take work, but it can be worth every challenge.
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