Sometimes known as lithromantic, akoiromantic is a curious style of attraction that is sadly not well represented outside of online spaces.
We’ve got everything you need to know about the term, what it means, and how folks continue to date despite feeling uncomfortable some of the time with certain things a relationship has to offer.
Let’s look at the correct definition of this identity, how they can be with their partners, and why romance isn’t always dead when it isn’t reciprocated.
What is Akoiromantic?
As mentioned above, akoiromantic is often known as lithromantic, so we will be using both words to describe this identity. If someone identifies with being lithromantic, then it basically means they are capable of feeling romantic attraction towards other individuals, but if their partner expresses and experiences romantic attraction towards them, they may lose romantic feelings for that individual or struggle with the romantic attraction in general.
Lithromantic is not a sexual orientation but instead a romantic orientation, as it is entirely to do with romantic attraction. A person can be any gender and have a romantic relationship with any gender and still be akoi.
The feelings towards romance and whether feelings are reciprocated might fluctuate over time for individuals. Some like the idea of a crush but would never want a life or reality where those ideas are reciprocated, whereas others purposefully crush on individuals unavailable so they never need to worry about feelings being reciprocated.
The typical akoi/lithromantic flag features five equal horizontal stripes. The top stripe is red, then orange/yellow, yellow, white, and finally black.
The term lithromantic was coined due to the word lithro in Greek history, which means stone. The change to akoi was simply because, in some situations, individuals felt like the word lith was culturally appropriated. This led to lithromantic being replaced to avoid anyone feeling uncomfortable within the community.
On the aromantics wiki, there are more points that help in understanding this part of the aromantic spectrum. Aromantic Wiki is a great wiki to look up all romantic orientations, relationship styles, and attraction styles. If you have any interest in the definition of any terms related to identity or sexuality, there is probably a specific wiki page to help! The LGBTQ+ wiki is also a good space to understand more about queer and aro life!
What is Romantic Orientation?
In simple terms, this is your relationship style. If you’ve met someone, have a crush on them, and know for a fact you want a relationship with them, then you’re not akoi!
Your feelings surrounding reciprocation and whether your attraction fades based on that reciprocation is what makes you lithro! Folks have theories, like to make sure interest is never reciprocated, akoi individuals practice crushing on and falling in love with fictional characters so their attraction never fades.
This theory is potentially because a lot of akoi individuals happen to be well read or like to read! The reasons behind someone’s thoughts and relationships are really unknown. To be honest, it’s not fair for folks to comment on how or why others show interest when it comes to sexuality as long as nobody is forced into the relationship.
We should all keep our thoughts to ourselves and only comment on the signs and sounds of relationships if they’re genuinely dangerous!
Do Akoiromantic Individuals Want Romantic Relationships?
Maybe! It’s a little complicated, as it depends on how the feelings are reciprocated post relationship beginning.
You may well have heard of akoi individuals who spend their whole lives with another individual happily within comment and on the other hand, others never look for a partnership and are happy to stay single.
Not every aromantic individual desires a romantic relationship, and that’s completely normal. Aromanticism sits on a broad spectrum, which means folks experience it in all sorts of different ways. Some aromantic individuals feel uncomfortable with anything romantic, others are pretty neutral about it, and some are perfectly happy with the idea of a relationship even if they don’t experience romantic attraction in the traditional sense. In some cases, this can look like a queerplatonic partnership, a committed bond that isn’t romantic but still incredibly meaningful.
How aromantic individuals approach relationships varies wildly. For some, romance simply isn’t something they need in their lives. Others are looking for a committed or long-term connections that don’t include romance at all. And yes, there are aromantic individuals who actively choose romantic relationships despite not feeling romantic attraction, everyone’s comfort levels are different.
There’s a full spectrum of feelings within the aromantic community. Some folks like certain “romantic-coded” activities without actually feeling romantic attraction, while others really don’t vibe with anything even remotely romantic. Both experiences (and every shade in between) are completely valid.
You see, connection doesn’t have to be romantic to be fulfilling. Many aromantic individuals like the deep satisfaction in strong friendships, family relationships, or queerplatonic partnerships, connections built on commitment, affection, and trust, just without the romantic layer.
Aromantic folks can enjoy physical closeness, sexual partnerships, or other forms of intimacy depending entirely on their own preferences. Romantic orientation is just one part of who they are, not the whole story.
Taimi is the Top Dating Site for Akoiromantics
If you’re looking to dip your toes into a romantic relationship, then why not try Taimi? They welcome every sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and everyone from the aromantic spectrum, so it basically means you’ll be welcomed with open arms!
Ready to find a person to start crushing on? Let’s give it a go with Taimi!
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