Here are some truly horrifying and/or embarrassing dating horrors from real people. “The names have been changed to protect…” you know.
A Tale of Two Athletes
Jill first met with Kate at the gym. They were both regulars and had fitness, healthy eating, and several other things in common. It was only natural they would end up dating. When they finally did date, both wanted it to be a great experience. Instead, it was a disaster. Jill had failed to wash her hands well enough after using some muscle rub. The date was going amazing at first, until Jill and Kate first touched. Apparently, there was just enough of that rub left somewhere on Jill’s fingers to create an uncomfortably warm sensation – and not in a good way. They’re still a couple but without the fireworks.
Moral of the Story: When you’re getting ready for some great flirting, personal hygiene is a must.
A Peanut Butter Disaster
Bill and Jim are recent friends with benefits who also enjoy a healthy intimate life. Bill is also a peanut butter lover. So much so that he used it in a ton of recipes, including in things that most people wouldn’t. One day, Jim came over for a date, and Jim decided they would watch football together and enjoy traditional snacks like nachos, chili dogs, and wings. Now, about Jim’s chili recipe – it had a secret ingredient! You guessed it, peanut butter!
Well, it turns out that Bill was highly allergic to PB. So, he started having a reaction. With no epipen around, a fun date at home turned into an ambulance ride and several hours in the emergency room!
Moral of the Story: Maybe you should have a few conversations about any medical conditions before you have at it.
Fulfilling Bucket List Dating
Sue and Lil love dating in weird places. In fact, they have a list to check off as they spend time together in each of these places. One of those was a cemetery, and they had even scouted out the perfect spot – the gravestone of a local character who had died under weird circumstances. It had a marble pad in front of it. They chose their night, brought a blanket, had plenty of wine, and cuddled while telling one another scary stories. Basking in the moonlight, Lil said, “I wonder who we should thank for this great place.” With that, she looked up at the tombstone to discover that the person had died on the exact date she was born. Talk about “bats out of Hell.”
Moral of This Story: We’re not exactly sure but it definitely qualifies as a dating horror story, doesn’t it?
The Group Date That Wasn’t
Stan has always been into group dates, and thinks it’s a great low pressure way to enjoy a date and get the friend group together. So, when he met Gary and Sue at a karaoke bar and they spent the evening drinking and being wannabe stars, he was open and ready for a group date they proposed. He grabbed his partner Dave to join them. Back they went to Sue’s place to hang out and have fun. They all agreed on a movie to watch. As Gary, Stan, and David enjoyed the movie, Sue excused herself for a minute and returned with a bucket of ice cream. She sat on the edge of the bed and ate the ice cream without offering to share. David and Stan left pretty disappointedly, wondering why someone would eat ice cream in front of guests and not offer them any.
Moral of this Story: Maybe if somebody has ice cream on a group date, you should just ask for some if you want it. This could save you from being disappointed.
Getting Car Sick
Beth met Ruth at the party of a mutual friend. There was plenty of food and drinks. Beth held back, but Ruth really indulged herself. She gorged on so many rich foods, and drank her share of wine and then so. Beth was infatuated with Ruth. She was so funny, the life of the party. They began flirting. The evening ended with Beth taking Ruth home. Unfortunately, when they arrived, it was clear that Ruth just wasn’t feeling very well. Rather than enjoying a spontaneous date, Beth wound up with a drunken gal-pal to care for. It was rather disappointing for both of them, and pretty mortifying for Ruth.
Moral of this story: Overdoing it can lead to a dating horror story rather than the fun night at home you were expecting.
Haste Makes Waste
Don was very interested in dating and very tired of entertaining himself. Finally, one night he met a decent-looking guy at a bar, and they struck up a conversation. Turns out, the guy was also interested in dating and promised Don an amazing night of fun. Without hesitation, Don took the guy on a date, and, just as he promised, they had a great time – finally, his need for dating had been satisfied in the right way and he fell asleep fully content. The next morning, the guy was gone, along with Don’s jewelry, wallet, and iPad. Call the police? He didn’t have a phone number or anything other than this guy’s first name.
Moral of this Story: If you have a date at home with a person you just met, hide your valuables before you hop into bed.
Getting Ready Too Quickly
Steve had a date, and he was so excited. It had been too long. As (bad) luck would have it, Steve got stuck at work the day of the big event. By the time he clocked out, he had less than an hour to get home, get ready, and rush out to Miles. Let’s just say he sped through his pre-date routine. Still, he made it. Thank, God!
The date was going so well. Dinner was amazing. Then Steve raised his arm to wave down the server. That’s when the smell hit. Oh no! How could he remember cologne and hair gel, but forget deodorant? Yikes! Steve hoped that Miles didn’t notice. Then he saw the look on his face. He definitely noticed. Steve did the only thing he could think of. He cracked a joke, and confessed that he had to rush to get ready. How embarrassing! Miles laughed too. Later they stopped at the store so Steve could fix his little problem.
Moral of this story: Better to be a bit late than stinky.
When a Date is Not a Date
Jerry was at the local bar in search of a date. He met Joe. They talked, had a few drinks, and exchanged phone numbers. Joe got a phone call and said he had to leave but he’d call so they could go out. Jerry went home alone. But a few days later Joe called him, told him he was cooking a great dinner, and invited him over to share it. Jerry was excited. He cleaned himself up, used his best cologne, and hopped on over. Dinner was amazing, of course. They then retired to the couch where Jerry assumed the foreplay would begin. To his shock, Joe brought out a bunch of printed materials and his laptop and began to recruit Jerry for a multi-level marketing scheme. And at that point, Joe’s long-term partner showed up too. Jerry made a quick exit and went back to the bar hoping for a better date. That was not the end of Joe – he kept calling to set up another appointment, until Jerry blocked him.
Moral of this story: Don’t give out your phone number until you have tested the waters.
When Your Phone Betrays You
Pam was a very single seeker of lots of variety in her dating life. One night she met Gil who assured her that she, too, was a seeker of dating variety. What might they plan for an exciting date? They discussed the possibilities as they enjoyed drinks and appetizers. As they were discussing a fun date in great detail, Gil must have accidentally “butt dialed” her long-time girlfriend. Of course the girlfriend heard the whole thing and was quite angry at the cheating.
Moral of this story: If you cheat, your phone or something else is sure to betray you. Just be an honest person.
Doesn’t Know When to Leave
So Cheri had a date with a cute chick she met on LGBTQIA+ dating app. They only lived a few miles apart, so getting together would be easy and pretty simple. They met up at a bar and grill for dinner and drinks, and things went very well – so well that they ended they decided to spend more time together at Cheri’s place. The next morning, Cheri woke up to the sound of the shower in her bathroom. “Okay,” she thought. “She’s taking a shower before going home. I’m down with that.” Her date got dressed and all of a sudden, Cheri hears cupboards in the kitchen, the rattle of pots and pans, and is wondering WTH? She gets up to find her date in the kitchen rustling up a huge breakfast with a big smile on her face – “scrambled or over-easy? And after breakfast, I have a whole day planned for us.” “Well, that’s not happening,” Cheri said, always quick on her feet. “My parents are due in about an hour, and I haven’t come out to them yet. You gotta go!” With that, she pushed her out the door, locked it, and spent the next 20 minutes making sure her date was not hanging around outside.
Moral of this Story: Tell your date in advance that you have plans for the next day. You can always cancel them if you change your mind.
The Older Man Fail
Jason met an older man on a fully inclusive LGBTQIA+ dating app. They chatted it up for several days, got pretty flirty, and decided to go on a date. He took Jason to a great restaurant for dinner, and they ended up going to his house to flirt and enjoy one another’s company. Jason was in heaven – an older man with obvious means interested in him. As a student, Jason wasn’t used to these kinds of dates. Imagine his surprise when he looked at the family pictures on the wall, and saw someone from his calculus study group – it was this man’s daughter. Talk about a quick exit. Jason went home and immediately blocked the dude.
Moral of this story: There really isn’t one. Jason spent some time getting to know the guy first, but some things just can’t be anticipated. When a crisis pops up, know when to get the hell out.
Not a Happy Camper
So, Candace is an outdoor person – she loves hiking, camping, fishing, and such. Molly isn’t, preferring going out to lunch, shopping, and movies. Maybe opposites attract, because they somehow found each other on a dating app and began to chat. What attracted both of them was their senses of humor and mutual enjoyment of unique dating experiences. Candace convinced Molly to go camping for a weekend. “It’ll be fun,” she said. Molly reluctantly agreed. Candace just assumed Molly would come somewhat prepared, including a decent bug repellant. After an evening around a campfire, Molly began to feel she might be able to handle this part of Candace’s life. Off to the tent for a great night of rest after a busy day – a totally new experience for Molly. Morning dawned, and Molly was a swollen mess – covered from head to toe with bites of various kinds. And she was sick from it. Off to the hospital and a prednisone shot. Molly looked horrible for days. And this relationship was not going to last.
Moral of this Story: Opposites on minor things may attract, but definitely not on the “big-ticket” items.
Not a Farm Boy
Phil grew up in the city and loved the nightlife and all of the options for dating. He had a fifth-story apartment in the heart of town, with a great balcony and view, and often entertained his dates there. Bob loved the city too, had a super cozy first-floor flat, and hit the bar scene regularly. When they met, things seemed to be a good fit. So, they began to date – going out a couple of times a week and ending up at Phil’s place for the night. The date was pretty amazing. Eventually, Bob invited Phil over to his place for dinner and the night. All was going well until Bob went out into his small backyard and brought his pot-bellied pig inside to eat the leftovers. “I hope you don’t mind,” he said. “I have a super king-sized bed and Daisy always sleeps on it with me. But there’s plenty of room and she won’t get in the way. Phil set his after-dinner drink down, slowly got up, and found his jacket. Obviously, that relationship was over.
Moral of this Story: Pets are fine, but you should probably warn someone if you have an unusual animal living with you.
You may have horrific date stories to tell. Don’t be shy. Let us all enjoy them.
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