We all know what the missionary position is. In days long gone by, when only heterosexual sex was recognized and talked about, this position was the only "appropriate" one. Of course, no one really knew what went on between those sheets - probably a lot more.
What we do know now is this: Sex is a wide-open subject today, especially now that all types of gender identities are "out." Conversations about sex of all types are also now wide-open, and isn't that refreshing? We are all free to talk openly about what turns us on, what turns us off, and what new things we'd like to try.
If you are finding that your sex life has become too routine, too mundane, and just plain rote, then it's time you change it up and get that "boring" out of your bedroom. Here are a bunch of sex tips to spice things up and turn sex into something you eagerly look forward to.
Now, one word of explanation here: These sex tips are for everyone on the LGBTQ+ spectrum (and even for straights). Some of them will not relate to your sexual identity, so just ignore those. But there is something here for everyone, so read on.
Great sex is for both partners to enjoy. That's a big part of what relationship satisfaction is all about. And it starts with honest and open communication. if either partner is not getting sexual satisfaction, they need to speak up. Now, not getting that sexual pleasure and wanting better sex can mean lots of things:
not being able to reach orgasm often enough
not enough affection and physical intimacy
being bored with using the same sex position all the time
wanting more intense orgasms
needing more sexual excitement in and out of the bedroom
None of these things can be fixed without communication. But once that communication begins, here are some sex tips that might help to fix some of the most common issues.
Spend More Time Kissing and Hugging
Here's one thing about physical affection - it stimulates the brain's production of endorphins - those feel-good hormones. Here are some tips for adding even more spice to this stimulating activity:
try tracing your partner's lips with your tongue
try softly biting on their lower lips
jab your tongue in and out of their mouth to simulate penetrative sex
Using the same position all the time is boring. There is no lack of books on sex positions. The classic, of course, is The Kama Sutra, a book of 365 different sex positions. While these were designed for heterosexual couples, there are many that other gender identities will find doable. But, in addition, there are a number of other books specifically for members of the LGBTQ community available on Amazon, including such titles as The Best Gay Sex Positions-Sutra Sixty, The Mystery of Oral Sex, and The Whole Lesbian Sex Book.
Trying new positions can actually be fun and create some sexual tension as you and your partner look at pictures of the positions and decide together which one to try tonight. Those that don't work will be a great source of humor; those that do will be added to your repertoire of good sex.
The web is full of stories of couples who have had sex in very weird places - a phone booth at Epcot Center, in line at a drive-thru restaurant, public bathrooms, and more. Those who have chosen these crazy places say a big part of the sexual tension is the risk of getting caught, making the sex even more exciting and stimulating. If this sounds like fun for you, go for it. But you can also find safer places to try - your patio or deck, your kitchen counter, even in your car on a lonely lane. And how about shower sex? You might want to check out some information on positions for this and also sex advice on how to make it safe (you don't want to fall on a hard floor, of course).
Lots of parts of the body can be erotic if they are approached in the right way. Some of these parts include ears, neck, nipples, stomach, and inner thighs. You can experiment with these in the following ways:
Ears: gently blow into them and talk dirty in a whisper; nibble on the ear lobe or gently bite
Toes: sucking on toes can be a real turn-on for many people, but you won't know until you try it
Neck: the back and the nape of the neck seem to be highly sensitive to a lot of people. Gloria Brame, Ph.D., sex therapist and author of the book, Sex for Grown-Ups: A Sex Primer for the 21st Century, "Neck stimulation sends signals to your circulatory system, increasing blood flow..." and this blood flow can create sexual tension. Kissing, licking, and even using a remote-control vibrator around the nape of the neck.
And while this foreplay goes on, don't forget eye contact - it can be one of the most sensuous things you do.
When a woman's nipples are massaged, licked, or lightly nibbled on, they become hard - for a reason. Women enjoy these stimulants and become much hornier, often becoming pretty wet as a result. But the nips of men are erogenous too. So, whether a heterosexual or a gay couple is looking for some new things to try, nipples are a good start. And using a mouth on a nipple while stroking or fondling the dick can get a pretty amazing reaction.
Whether women are looking for sexual activity that will hit the most erogenous zones of their male partners, or whether a gay partner is looking for mutual sexual enjoyment, these are two of the most obvious spots on the male's own body.
The scrotum is also a "dangerous" zone, as any man who has received a blow to this organ will attest. But, gently massaging the scrotum, sucking on it, and cupping it during other sexual activities can enhance and speed up an orgasm.
While the scrotum must be handled with care, not so much the penis.
Let's talk about the shaft first. The nerves in the shaft are pretty far below the surface, so it only makes sense that pressure on that shaft has to be pretty strong. If you are giving your partner a hand job, do it firmly.
For women, clitoral stimulation is so erogenous because there are so many nerves congregated in one little place. The penis head is the male equivalent of the clit, though it doesn't have quite as many nerves. Still, those nerves are close to the surface, making that head pretty erogenous too. Using lube on the penis head is a good idea. lube up the thumb and forefinger and make an "O." Go up and down just on that head. Or use your mouth and tongue to set off those nerves.
Never heard the term perineum? Well, now you have. And here's a pretty cool sex trick. The perineum is located just behind the scrotum, Actually, it's the muscle that prompts ejaculation. During blow jobs, if that muscle is rubbed in a circular motion and timed with the mouth movements on the shaft, this can create an orgasm that may just be the best he has ever had. Many women and men do not know about sex techniques involving the perineum, so this could be one of the best sex tips you get from reading this.
No matter what your sexual preferences, talking dirty to one another can be pretty stimulating. If it happens before sex, it can include all of the things you plan to do to each other, and this can even happen via text or phone calls so you can anticipate what will happen as soon as you are together. Dirty talk during the act, if you haven't tried it, can really spice things up. Tell your partner what you want them to do next and have them do the same, in the most erotic and "nastiest" language. And don't forget the afterglow. As you both bathe in it, tell each other what movements or talk turned you on the most.
If you are not sure how to begin talking dirty, think about some of your sexual fantasies and put words to them. Or watch some pornographic videos that have conversations. That should get you started.
Anal sex is not for everyone, but it can be some of the best ever for many women and men, resulting in an amazing orgasm. It's worth a try if you are both up for it. This one deserves some longer attention because it is unique and requires more sex advice than most of the other tips.
Both partners must trust each other completely. Anal sex is not something to do with someone you do not know really well but instead who you can communicate with before the activity is ever started. You both need to be in agreement on the boundaries, whether this penetration happens with a penis, a strap-on, or any of a number of sex toys.
If something other than an actual penis is being used, start small. While the anus is a muscle that certainly can expand, it is much tighter than a vagina. If a penis is penetrating, then do not expect to have or to get full penetration, even the first few times. Just the tip with a small amount of penetration should be the beginning until the receiver is comfortable with more. If using a strap-on or a toy, start with a very small one. Many use a small bullet-type vibrator until the receiver is totally comfortable, and then graduate to larger ones. The point is this - whatever is used, going shallow at first and building up is the only way to go.
Penetration of the anus will be uncomfortable at first. But the more relaxed a person can be, the less uncomfortable (and even painful) it will be. It's a good idea to practice relaxing the mind as well as this body part before trying it. Some start with a butt plug just to practice relaxing while it is in.
The anus does not lubricate itself like a vagina. Lube will be absolutely necessary. And lots of it. There are two kinds of lubes - water-based and silicone-based. Silicone-based lubes are the best because they are thicker and last longer. the more used, the better the "ride" will be.
There is one exception to this. If a silicone toy or dildo is being used, the lube must be water-based. Silicone lubes will break down these, and they will become gummy and ugly.
Before you start cringing, hear this one out. Ass licking has become more and more popular. While the anus is not the most beautiful part of your body, it has lots of nerve endings around its opening, and many do not find its looks unappealing at all. The activity can be highly stimulating, and the tongue can be inserted into a flavorful lube.
Generally, the recommended positions are doggie style, spooning, and even the missionary position with legs placed over the partner's shoulders seems to work best. Of course, there are others. The receiver can kneel on the floor and bend over a couch, a bed, or even a coffee table, and the penetrator can kneel behind them. This is really just a variation of the doggie, but it gives more stability. Experiment with various positions until you find the right fit.
This is really important. If something is uncomfortable or hugely wonderful, then the receiver must say so. Remember, it's all about trusting the partner to listen and respond to what you are saying.
People who produce pornographic videos that involve butt sex have lots to say about how this is done. The receiver is usually given an enema and has their diet very limited prior to filming. Porn star Brooklyn Chase says this, " “In porn, prep for an anal scene includes a lengthy and unpleasant routine of enemas, very little food, and anti-diarrhea medicines.”
You are not likely to take all of these measures in preparation, so don't expect your experience to be just like in the movies. There may be some leakage or some poop if you have not cleaned out your intestinal tract. A good sex tip here is to buy a washable pad to put under you during the activity.
There are some bacteria around the anus, and you certainly don't want that transferred to other parts of the body. Any couple that plans to switch between the anus and the vagina must be certain that any condom, tory or strap-on is completely switched out or cleaned before that shift. This can ruin the spontaneity of the moment, but it's really important.
If butt sex doesn't work out for you the first, second, or even third time, don't give up. Getting sexual satisfaction from this type of sex can take time. Just be patient.
First, some general information on these techniques. They can be just as exciting and satisfying as "regular" sex, whatever that means today.
Second, each body is unique and it makes no sense to compare your sex parts with anyone else's. Further, each body has a unique odor, no matter what you do to "hide" it. For women, this odor is based on a number of factors, including what you have eaten, normal bacteria, stress, and more. For men, it is much the same. In both cases, you need to know what is normal and what may be a sign of an infection of some sort. That said, it is always wise to clean your body parts before any sex, especially oral. Use regular soap and water in the shower. If that is not possible, use some cleansing wipes. Using perfumes or colognes isn't necessary and can actually be a turn-off.
Third, there are some foods you can avoid to prevent unpleasant tastes - stronger foods such as onion, cabbage, garlic, asparagus, and such.
Here are some of the best sex tips for mouth and tongue:
Let your tongue do the flicking for a pretty good way to build pleasure and sexual tension. Once that arousal is clear, then decide whether to penetrate the vagina with that tongue. This technique may not have the full arousal that tonguing the clit does, but it still can certainly be pleasant. The clit has that small hood over it. Pull back that hood with your fingers to get to this most erogenous organ.
There are multiple positions for going down on a woman. they can lie on their back with a pillow under their butt; they can straddle their partner's face while that partner lies down on their back; they can do the well-known 69.
If there is any concern for "mixing" bad germs through this type of sex, there are dental dams. And always, both partners should wash up thoroughly after this kind of sex.
Being circumcised or not doesn't make much difference for hand sex, but it does for oral. If a partner is putting the mouth on an uncircumcised man, they should pull that foreskin downward, so they have the penis head to work with. Here's a sex technique or two to try:
run your tongues up and down the penis shaft, and then circle the head
Hold the shaft base and then put the rest of the penis in your mouth. move up and down = the classic blow job
Begin the blow job slowly at first and then go faster as their pleasure grows
Decide ahead of time if they will cum in your mouth and what you will do with that cum
Take the scrotum gently into your mouth and massage gently, or cup it into one hand while your mouth is at work
Find the Best Positions
have your partner sit on a couch or the edge of the bed while you kneel in front of them, or you sit and they stand in front of you
Have your partner lie flat on their back and you straddle them on your knees.
Lie in the 69 position and both of you enjoy your sexuality at the same time
The best sex tip for safety is frequent and regular checkups, especially if you have multiple partners. Beyond that, you should think about flavored condoms - they're pretty popular too
Always shower or use an antibacterial wipe afterward. The mouth holds lots of bacteria. If you are the giver, an antibacterial mouthwash is in order. Self-care is critical
Try mutual masturbation - it can be an amazing turn-on
Watch porn together and try to copy the moves
Find a sex game or two and add them to your repertoire
Make eye contact while you are in the right positions to do so - this can increase the intensity
If you are not self-conscious, leave the lights on
Let out some noise if what is being done feels great - it's not just for a man's ego. Women have them too
Learn to use the phone as one of your sex skills. Here's a guide to add the phone to enhance your sex life from sex therapist Kate Moyle on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/katemoyletherapy/
Find ways to add intimacy to your relationship outside of the bedroom - you may be surprised how reaching orgasm becomes easier. This is a sex tip not to forget
If your less than happy sex life between the sheets is impacting your relationship, see a sex therapist for help
You deserve an amazing sex life. So does your partner. It makes lots of other negative or stressful parts of your lives so much more tolerable. If just one sex tip from this list makes that sex life better, it was worth the read.
Taimi is free to download. Taimi Premium subscription provides access to features unavailable or limited in the free version of the app.